Last year August, S was a mess and so was I.
This year August, S is somewhat of a mess, but I seem to be okay. Well, I definitely have a shorter temper all of a sudden, but I’m not wallowing in any depression or feel like the world is closing in on me. Progress.
My husband and I FINALLy got a night out last night! My MIL (Mother-in-law) came to watch the kids while we met friends out to dinner. She was going to feed them dinner, play with them, and put them to bed. We weren’t expected back before midnight.
What a great night. Great conversation that just flowed like the old days. No kids to interrupt us or demand our attention. Well, there was a 2 month old baby with one of the couples. But he was so good, and slept through everything, that….it really didn’t count. 6 of us had dinner together. The men went to a bar, and the ladies went to the hotel room that a friend was staying at to hang out and take care of the baby together.
We came in about 1:30am. I found out the next morning that M was screaming when we left. But she did eventually come out of it and had fun. She ate a great dinner, played well, and when it was time to go to sleep, she didn’t put up much protest. S, on the other hand, didn’t want to accept the reality that we were not home to put her to bed. 2 years ago, she cried on and on with my MIL when my husband and I went out of town for a wedding. This was during the peak of S’s anxieties. Her anxiety attacks carried through for 2 more months. This time, she went to bed an hour earlier than 2 years ago, but still late. She woke up when we came home and refused to go back to her own bed.
This morning, S seemed to be in a good mood. She had a birthday party for a good friend at a local amusement park to go to. She was excited to go, but as we pulled into the parking lot, she froze. S didn’t want to get out of the car, and she was throwing a real tantrum. At the very least, I told her, let’s just give her friend the present! I basically dragged her out of the car screaming. Anyone would have thought I was seriously abusing her. We walked through the parking lot, and S insisted that she keep her eyes closed. I told her no, because she needed to see where she was going. I told her to open her eyes. She refused. I told her again, and to watch out for the curb. She said no. What happened? She caught the high curb in the shin. Now she was crying again. (If only she had listened….sigh)
When she saw her friends, they came running to her, so excited to see her. She suddenly burst into shouts of sheer joy and gave them a hug. She was ecstatic. For the next 2 hours, S was taking the rides with her friends, and running after them. She was in heaven. Tired, hot, in heaven.
The rest of the day went by without a hitch. We had different friends come in and out of our house all afternoon. S retreated to have her own time, but was fine saying hello to all the adults.
Come bed time, S was so tired. Not a single whine from her. I knew that our luck was going to run out. Sure enough, I could hear my husband reading S her bedtime books that she had chosen. I heard him close the books and walk across the room to turn out her light. It came out very loud through the door. Her hiccups of crying/tears. My husband was soothing her, and I heard her bed springs as he laid next to her to calm her down. I wonder how many days/nights of this before she starts to come back on track.
Last August, we traveled a lot, and all the transitions through S for a major loop. This August, we traveled a lot, but she seems a little better. She’s definitely anxious and talks a lot about school, starting Kindergarten. She is not eating very well, also another sign. But somehow, S seems just a few steps up from where she was last August. Maybe I’m getting better at reading her signs, responding to it all better. My husband, too. We have come to expect different reactions from S as she goes up the peaks and into the valleys. In about 10 days, when she starts Kindergarten, we’ll see where this all goes.
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