Sunday, November 29, 2009

Too much tinsel

I haven’t put up our real Christmas tree yet.  I did, however set up an artificial one that my mom bought for us last year.  The boys were anxious to decorate.  It didn’t take long for me to put the tree together and it was nice that the fake tree came with the lights pre strung. After plugging the tree into the wall, I let the boys have at it.  They hung plastic shiny balls on the tree.  It was beautiful………and then they found it…….tinsel. 

The 2 packages of tinsel that I stuffed away in the cubboard last year had been discovered. Why didn’t I just toss that out when I had the chance?  The boys were extremely excited about the 2 bags, especially Matthew since he is so partial to shiny things.  As bad as I wanted to shout, “no tinsel!”, I couldn’t because I promised they could decorate that tree however they wanted. 

They were so proud when they finished.  They love the tree.  I like it too, even though it looks like it threw up.

[Via http://greatvillage.wordpress.com]

The lesbian parent hoo ha

Having attended the launch of the Demos pamphlet “Building Character” a couple of weeks ago, it was quite interesting to see how the findings of the report were covered in the press. Mostly, it seems, it is a sidenote in a hoo ha about lesbian parents.

I remember taking note that there was a journalist from The Sunday Times behind me. Lo and behold in The Sunday Times that week: attention grabbing headline (albeit at the bottom of the page, somewhere in the middle of the paper), “Lesbian parents better at raising children“. Assemblage of bits on lesbian parents, gay adoption, a quote from Mary Cheney, that hadn’t found a home in the print of the Times yet, spun around a quote from Stephen Scott who was on the panel of the Building Character event.

Stephen Scott of the National Academy for Parenting Practitioners, which joint-hosted the event with Demos, did refer in passing to research that suggested lesbian parents were “better” than a man and a woman. Hmm, and then strangely that little juicy snippet was what was most discussed from the whole thing in the papers. Discussed by The Daily Mail and Jeremy Clarkson…

Thing is, Jeremy Clarkson’s column in The Sunday Times the next week pointed quite well to how silly it was to say that, definitively, lesbians make better parents. And (worryingly?) Clarkson was funnier than I thought he was (although still nowhere near properly funny, he was starting from a very low estimation). Similarly, a piece on the blog of the think tank Civitas questions what this research was. Civitas is a think tank that I don’t hold in very high esteem either, and amusingly all the quotes from “newspaper reports” were from that original Sunday Times article, so maybe it wasn’t as “widely reported” as Civitas insinuates. (Shame on me too for only scouring the pages of The Sunday Times for references to something I attended. At least by attending I know that Scott’s mention of lesbian parents was not in a speech *ahem, Civitas*).

Anyhow, it’s come to Clarkson and Civitas (god forbid) to asking what-the-hell-is-this-research?!?!? Shame on you, Mr. most-popular Sunday broadsheet, for such a cobbled-together article.

What I found on the NAPP website was “Evaluating the evidence: are lesbians better parents?“. This, quite rightly, tentatively concludes that:

“Although children with lesbian mothers, on average, do slightly (but significantly) better on some measures than children raised by opposite sex parents, a positive relationship with one’s father is also strongly associated with positive child outcomes… Research consistently and clearly suggests that regardless of parent gender and family structure, children who report a close and positive relationship with their mother and father are more likely to feel good about themselves and do better in school and later adulthood.” [italics in original]

The point about good parent-child relationships was the very point of the whole Building Character event where this recent lesbian parent hoo ha began. It was the point being made when this, rather distracting point, was thrown in: quality relationships matter more than family structure.

The research on lesbian parents, from what I have seen, does seem rather dubious though. I took a look at Golombok et al “Children with Lesbian Parents: A Community Study“, the first cited research in the above menioned NAPP review. Here I’d be inclined to agree with Jeremy Clarkson; “You can’t possibly draw any conclusions after testing 20 lesbians.” The sample was tiny. Not quite as tiny as 20, but a grand total of 39 lesbian-mother families.

As I, and Civitas (hmm), suspected it also appeared that the lesbian-mother families on average were of a higher socioeconomic status that the straight-mother families. The qualities of better parenting were defined as less use of smacking, greater frequency of imaginative play, etc. which also correlate well with middle-class families in general. Findings from elsewhere that daughters of lesbians are more likely to aspire to be a doctor or lawyer or “professions that were traditionally considered male” and children brought up in an all-female household are “more confident in championing social justice” (see that first Sunday Times article), could also readily be attributed to these being more middle-class traits. It does not necessarilly follow that lesbian parents are a causal factor of this “better” parenting. A common sense answer would be that lesbian parents are more likely to be middle-class and these determinants of better parenting are generally reflective of middle-class parenting. Girls from your average middle-class home want to be doctors and lawyers and were most likely not smacked either.

Elsewhere in that Sunday Times (15 Nov- I am so slow in writing stuff. Have a decent memory though) were graphs of the number of women compared to men entering the professions across the last 3-4 decades – they all steadily climbed upward. Annoyingly the graphs aren’t on the web version, but I can tell you that last year 60% of new solicitors were women. But I digress…

Yes, so this study by Golombok et al did not account for socio-economic status bearing an infuence on the results. They got some stats on the socio-economic make up of the sample, but then dismissed its importance. I think it’s important. The covariates the study accounts for are instead just the child’s age and the number of children in the family. I’m not a social scientist (yet…) but I wouldn’t agree that “no group difference was found for social class”  when about 1/10 lesbian mothers had no qualifications compared to 1/4 straight mothers. Surely it may well be something like this that has the greater impact on parenting style and children’s aspirations?

Without good longitudinal studies of gay parenting, which also factors in variables of social class and education, and is done on a much larger scale of 39, we shouldn’t be making any suggestions as to lesbians being “better parents.” And refraining from slipping a remark as Stephen Scott did at the Demos launch wouldn’t go a miss either…

[Via http://policyphilosopher.wordpress.com]

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Sagraves

I got together with Dave and Krista’s family a few weeks ago.  We met and immediately the children were told if they cooperated with the pictures they would get and Icee as their reward.  And let me tell you…I need to give my kids Icees.  They were so obedient, eager to smile and have their picture taken.

But knowing Dave and Krista,  I know that they do not have a freezer packed with Icees at home…they do so much more to care and shepherd their kiddos!

We had so much fun and it was a blast hanging out with them~

 

 

 

 

[Via http://lillianprincephotography.wordpress.com]

Mr. Jackson

[Via http://mgphotographyblog.wordpress.com]

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Learning is a Family Affair!

Practice family literacy in your home and community. Here are some great tips to start you on the road to reading:

Find a local Literacy cause...this one is mine!

Ask your child questions about the story you’re reading to ensure comprehension.

Book family time to read with your children every day.

Create a special reading place in your home, with your child’s favourite books within reach.

Donate funds to the literacy cause! For information on programs in your community, look under LEARN in the Yellow Pages.

Encourage children to read words on TV, street signs, mugs and t-shirts.

Find new stories to read with your children every week. Vary their length and subject matter.

Give your time to read aloud to a child.

Have a child read a book to you.

International Literacy Day is held on September 8 every year. Celebrate the day by picking up a book and reading to a child.

January 27 is Family Literacy Day! Visit www.abc-canada.org for a complete listing of Family Literacy Day events across Canada.

Keep teens reading. Give them books, newspaper articles and magazines about things that interest them – music, movies, TV and computers.

Let your child purchase a new book for his birthday!

Make every day a learning day. Ask your children to make a shopping list, read recipes together or help them make a calendar of their weekly activities.

Newborns benefit from reading too!

Organize a children’s book club with friends in your neighbourhood.

Purchase books to have in your home for your children to read over and over again.

Quiet, cozy reading spaces are good places for your child to read independently.

Remember that children learn by example – if you recognize the importance of reading, your children will too!

Set aside one day a week to make a regular visit to the library.

Treat a child to a story a day.

Usborne Books provide a great opportunity for your child to improve reading skills while learning lots of information.

Volunteer your time. Family literacy groups in your community could use your help with tutoring adults, reading to children and helping out with administrative tasks.

Write a letter.

X-ercise your mind! Reading ability is like a muscle, if you don’t exercise it often, you will not maintain the same level of reading ability as you get older. So – “use it or lose it!”

You are the key to improving a child’s reading ability by placing a high priority on reading in your home.

Zap off the TV – pick up a book instead!

~ Source Unknown

[Via http://cindybiz.wordpress.com]

REMEMBERING A CHARACTER

 

One of my favorite writing’s by Edgar Allan Poe is the Tell-Tale Heart. I love this story because it has a character that I can never forget. When I am doing character building for a story I think of the man with the vulture eye and then ask myself if my characters will leave a lasting impression or will they be forgotten about in no time.  There are so many things that can make a character interesting, whether it is a specific trait, an unforgettable name or a specific article of clothing. I am the type of person that will remember the story only if I remember the characters in the story.

 

I’d like to hear your opinions. Who are some of your favorite characters? What did you love about them? What do you remember most about them?

 

 

 

[Via http://ninidee.wordpress.com]

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Why I hate going to the store--Reason #1

I really love this time of year.  I love the fall and Thanksgiving.  This is the time of year when I am finally ready to see Christmas lights and listen to Christmas music.  The stores almost to ruin it for people when they put out Christmas decorations toward the end of September.  It’s aggravating enough for adults, but can you imagine how confusing it is for an autistic child? 

In the middle of October, I took Matt on a planned trip to the store to pick out a pumpkin to carve. “Mommy, I want Christmas tree, like that!”  Matt says happily pointing at the pretty display in the store.  “It’s a pretty Christmas tree.”, I said,  ”And we will get a Christmas tree after Thanksgiving.  Today we will pick out a pumpkin to carve for Halloween.” 

 Matt looks at me as if I am crazy.  “Hey, it’s not pumpkin time, it’s Christmas time, see? ”  Again, points over to the Christmas display at the store.  He was almost in a panick because he felt like the order of events was changing on him and if we didn’t get a tree right then, we might miss Christmas.  I felt a meltdown coming on in the store as he did his pre-freakout dance.  Grrrr.  STUPID RETAIL STORE!!!

I finally got him outside to the gardening section where they sold all the pumpkins.  “See Matthew, look if we don’t get a pumpkin now, we will miss making it’s face and putting a candle in it for Halloween time.”

 He began to relax and smiled when he saw all the pumpkins.  Then as he got closer, I saw his eyes dart from one pumpkin to the other and then back to the first. He couldn’t decide.  He would point to one and then when he saw it’s imperfection, he would get upset…….”nooooooooo”  He said. I chose another, and another.  I couldn’t ignore the strange look I was getting from another shopper. Surely she was thinking “What a spoiled brat. ”

I sure wish people would just come out and say what they are thinking.  That way I can give them a piece of my own mind.   After about the 8th pumpkin we looked at.  Matt nodded happily. With a relieved sigh I put it in the cart with him where he proudly held onto it.  Thank you, Lord.  That could have turned out much worse. 

………..Stupid retail store!!!!

[Via http://greatvillage.wordpress.com]

"Let it Snow" limited edition session

The “Let it Snow” limited edition session depicts a nostalgic winter scene that is only available for a limited time, once a year from December 3-5th. The images from this session make gorgeous holiday gifts, canvas art prints and cards. Guaranteed in time for Christmas.

The session and artists choice 11×14 print is only $68.00 per child with a nonperishable food item for Paul’s Pantry.

Add-on children into the same set for only $35 per child. Call today to schedule your date and time: 920-436-0433.

Call today before this limited edition fills up. 920-436-0433. Coupons can’t be used for limited edition sessions.

Only once a year December 3rd-5th. Sessions are half-hour blocks.

$68.00 includes the session and artists choice 11×14 print. Sessions are pre-paid and based on individual child per 11×14.

This session is for ages 3 monthes-10 years old only, no adults or pets.

Outfit changes are not permitted, props provided by artessence.

For the “Let it Snow” sessions we encourage the clothing to be cream, gray or brown color (sweaters, hats, mittens, scarves, jackets) for a traditional classic look OR bright colored scarves, hats, mittens, coats, boots for a contemporary look.

artessence, LLC 920-436-0433.

[Via http://artessence.wordpress.com]

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Senegalese Children Claim Their Rights

Senegalese educators, government ministers and international partners gathered at a primary school in Dakar Friday to hear what children had to say about their rights. The students performed songs, dances and skits they had prepared… From VOA. Full story

This site may contain information about: school new jersey. For a different topic see potato recipe. The blog is also related to: lesson plans.

[Via http://teachingheadlines.wordpress.com]

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Stitches....again

Monday Kiefer woke up with a tight throat for the one millionth time.  After a breathing treatment and medication, I decided he was well enough to go to preschool.  I kept in close contact with the school and sent his epi pen as a  precaution.  When I got a call from the director telling me he had fallen and cut his chin, I realized my day wasn’t going to go in the direction I thought it would.  She asked me to come take a look at him immediately.  He indeed had a cut on his chin with, well, how do I say this?  His insides were coming out of the small cut!  After hours in the ER, he was put in a straight jacket and sewn up…. not our first time going through this.  After much screaming and a little sewing, the nurse gave him a Popsicle, a rare treat as we try to avoid artificial colors with him since he is so hyper.  When I got him in his car seat, popsicle in hand, he said (in his broken english), “I had fun today at the special doctor.  I got popsicle.”*

*Broken english version: “I hab sun today at da spesha docta.  I get popsinal.”

Hey there Superman!

by Rose Danielle Austria
for Special Topics (MCM 190)

“Heartbreaking” would probably be the perfect way to describe the realities shown in the film Minsan Lang Sila Bata. I am not ignorant; in fact I am well aware, of the worsening conditions of poverty in the Philippines. I see it every time I step out the door. The news is bombarded daily with evidences and while the media is known for sensationalizing virtually everything, one cannot deny the distressing feeling that it inculcates.

I’ve watched countless videos, seen hundreds of photographs, and listened to a number of talks on poverty and child labor yet I’m stunned every time. I encounter street kids on a daily basis and feel the lack of hope in them. I’ve heard of children in sweat shops and for a while it was unimaginable what they go through. It was until we saw the footages of the kids in the slaughter house, the port area, and the hacienda.

Then I look back at my own childhood – including the times I complained to my parents for not buying me things I don’t really need – and realized how blessed I’ve been for the past eighteen years. Guilt clouds my heart as I look around and find that all my needs and wants are provided for – and I didn’t even have to work for any of it; while the kids in the film had to struggle every day for food that would not even satisfy anyone’s appetite.

American author Tom Robbins wrote in one of his books that “it is never too late to have a happy childhood.” But my heart breaks even more as I realize that there might not be a better future for most of these children. As the documentary puts it: once a “hornal,” always a “hornal.”

The story of the children in the port area and how that one boy collapsed in exhaustion; the young “hornals” who battle forces of nature and human injustice every day; and the children of the slaughter house as they are likened to dead meat replay in my head like scenes from a horror movie.

At this, I feel remorse for them and anger towards people who have the power to make life a little easier for them. Everyone has the power to make life livable for them. These kids have dreams – they want to study, play, and have fun – but somehow they feel helpless.

Children do not deserve to be treated like slaves. None of them did, no child does or will ever deserve such treatment. Their young minds warrant care, attention, education, nourishment and freedom. These kids need to know that they’re God’s little angels and they should not let anyone or anything to hinder them from living.

We would all agree that child labor is a social problem; but in reality you’d see the burden is not shared at all – some reason ignorance, others the lack of power to help, and disinterest for a few.

There’s a reason why humanity’s battle against such issue never ends: humanity, in its entirety, remains unmoved and indifferent. Sure, everyone desires to change the world but few are the ones who walk the talk. We cannot reason that we are powerless to do so because we are not. Wise men say to change the world, we need to start change within ourselves. We don’t have to be Superman to save lives. If there is a will, there is always a way.

“Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to act.”
Proverbs 3: 27

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Publishing Love Letters

“The love of  a family is life’s greatest blessing.” ~ Unknown

Desktop publishing has been used widely for families to document and share their family geneology and history. Because, let’s be honest, unless you are a member of a notable family, have accomplished something unusual in life, are a hot television personality or politician, a CEO “giant” or have an extreme story to tell, the chances are slim to none of having your book published by a traditional and major publishing house.

Many people find it important to travel to different parts of the world to discover, document and learn about their geneology, but it is not necessary. Tracing your family heritage is made simple in this digital age. Websites like Ancestry.com makes searching for relatives possible and fun.

The purpose of publishing a family history is to pass along stories of family members migrating from one geographical area to another, to teach of ancestor’s struggles and adversities, to record births and deaths, family values and ethnic lineage. A study of our ancestry helps us to identify and connect with those family members who came before us.

A common mistake is to think that only your family members would be interested in your family’s tales. No so – I just read an independently published book called “Out of Vienna” by Ernie Weiss. www.OutofVienna.com.  The author is not personally known to me, nor is his extended family. But the recounting of his family’s eight year escape from Vienna during the Nazi occupation to the United States was fascinating.

If you are contemplating independently publishing a book about your family’s geneology – take the leap. For your relatives, a book of family history is the inheritance of a love letter written for your children and those not yet born.

This blog brought to you by www.CornerstoneFulfillmentService.com.

What Exactly Are We Preparing Children For?

When I look out across the classroom at all my enthusiastic little workers, it saddens me to think that in a few years’ time they will very likely dislike school (to put it mildly) and its rigid, test-driven dogma.  I’m curious why some parents, in whose hands rests the quality of their children’s education, choose to turn a blind eye towards the abominable amounts of homework and one-size-fits-all teaching style of our current public (and even some private) schools.

Lest I get bombarded with more grumpy comments, I must point out that every day more and more parents are choosing alternative methods of education for their children, from pre-school through the high school years, including home schooling.  Though increasing yearly, this number is still minuscule and not reflective of the general population’s school experience.  Fortunately, not everyone is staying silent.  Here’s a film we should all watch, although I fear it may bring up more questions than answers…

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

So Much Magnificence - You Tube - photos.

 


This Day Is A Gift
You have been given this day as a gift.
What do you do when you have been given a gift?
Do you anticipate what is under the wrapping?
Do you tear the paper off with joyous abandonment.
Can you imagine being given a gift and not caring to open it,
not being attracted to the pretty paper
or wondering what is inside.
Can you see yourself not thanking the giver?
or not smiling or acknowledging the gift?
Would you carelessly toss it aside as if it had no worth?
We do this with gifts of all kinds more than we care to admit.
We do it without thought, in ignorance,
and sometimes in anger and spite.
To fully love and welcome each new day,
we must receive God’s gifts in our hearts.

 

Job Search and Scam

I havebeen searching for job that would allow me to stay home with my children. What I found was scams everywhere. People trying to sell you things to make money. I applied for few that would allow me stay home, but they turn out to be scams. I received a part time job opportunity. The guy told me he was working for a recruitment company. They needed people to post jobs on craigslist and kijiji. I posted jobs that he told me to post. After about a week the guy just disappeared and he did not pay me for the work I did. It is sad he wasted my time. I am sure there many people out there that he scammed to. If have any comment or same thing happen to you let me know.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Learning from small children

What is in a name?
Could the very nature change?
Is it mundane to be John?
Is it exotic to be Jean?

Does the mind expect something new?
When names change does food change?
Does rice remain rice in every language?
Or is it better in Chinese or Italian?

The mind remembers excitement at the unknown
Wishing to learn new things
New wonder remains new wonder
Even when learning that much remains the same

People are people
Rice remains rice
Perhaps the mind changes but not the substance
Is perception as important as reality?

Perhaps people create reality through perception
Is not life what a man makes of it?
Maybe a new language does make a new dish
Perhaps Jean is substantially different than John

It was such a warm evening
Sun shining brightly
Though sunrise was late and sunset early
If it were July, it would be called cold and dark

Perception makes all the difference
So beauty really is in the eyes of the beholder
The eater decides what is tasteful
So Risotto can be wonderful while rice is yucky

A friend of mine was telling about her daughter: She told how she asked the family whether they would prefer “seafood risotto” or “cheesy rice with tuna” for dinner. The family of course chose “seafood risotto,” so she asked her daughter if she wanted the cheesy rice. The young lady said “no, that’s yucky, I want the risotto.” Though rice was yucky, the wanted more of the risotto after eating it all up — the only difference is calling it rice in Italian instead of English. English was “yucky”, Italian was “I want more.” Sometimes there is a difference of names and of perception.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Small Moments

My oldest often comes home from school with catch phrases that describe what he’s learning.  Last year his teacher helped him work on “grabber-hooks and gotcha’s” to make the beginning and end of a story more interesting.  They illustrate, edit, and add details before presenting a finished product.  This year they are working on taking “small moments” and stretching them out into a full experience with descriptive words and feelings.  My small moment came this morning before 7 am:

~

Darkness barely clung to the walls and halls of our home.  All was silent.  I could hear the dog sleeping next to our bed.  My husband’s breath rose and fell in peaceful rhythm beside me.

The padding of little feet woke me up, followed by the swinging of our bedroom door.  I could see a small silhouette floating closer and closer to me and then in one fluid motion, using my elbow as a handle, M crawled up into our bed, swinging his little body over mine and into the safety of the spot between mom and dad.

I stifled a cough and lay there waiting to see what he’d do next.  I allowed my eyes to close.  Felt his soft warmth close to me.  The smoothness of his velvety skin.

It was what came next that I’ll treasure today and into all my tomorrows:  the weight of a arm flung loosely around my neck.  His hand moving up to touch my cheek.  A whisper.

“I love you so much, Mama.”

“I love you too.  Even more.”

I could see the contours of his face change in the shadows and knew a smile was spreading across his face while he traced the lines on my own.

That is what I’m grateful for today.

~

Another little gift wrapped up in a small moment. Just for me.

 

"Fly me to the moon..."

this is the very beginning of my latest Family Portrait Painting

This will be a very special Family Portrait, because the family is also special and wanted something out of the ordinary.

Carla is a Philosopher, Henrique is a businessman, Marcela loves pink and purple and Leo loves Blue.

More will appear soon in the picture (they have cats, fish and a bird too) and they will all be flying around the moon, among the stars, surrounded by trees… Come back soon and check the making of! What about you, want your own customized Family Portrait? Write to me, let´s talk about your stories!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Lunch at Lingham

Steve Leigh, headteacher at Lingham Primary in Moreton insisted on taking my photo when I told him it was over 35 years since I’d eaten a school dinner!  Although you cant see lunch it was curry and rice with carrots and potato wedges and for dessert a piece of flapjack – I declined the custard, my memories of school custard aren’t nice, although I’m sure it’s improved since then!

Lingham Primary is part of the Healthy Schools Programme and is organised by primary teacher, Sue Scregg – Sue and I go back a long way, her father was the vicar of St Luke’s in Poulton and she and I attended Sunday School together.  The Programme aims to help children understand they can make a choice over what they eat, through education.  They hold regular events during the school year with emphasis on fitness and food.

Waiting for the Great Moment

Yesterday, while listening to “Higher & Higher” — the title track on the newest offereing by Neshama Carlebach, Poppyseed remarked

This isn’t what we usually pray for.

Really, Poppyseed. For what do we usually pray?

We usually pray to be better people.

Do you understand what this song is about, Poppyseed? It’s about a time that all people will get along and believe in God. There won’t be any more war or fighting.

Oh, that’s never going to happen.

What makes a six-year-old girl — living in suburban America — believe that there is no hope for lasting peace?

1918. At the eleventh hour, on the eleventh day, of the eleventh month. The War to End All Wars came to a conclusion with the Armistice signed by the Allied Forces and Germany.

We know now that the moniker was short-sighted. Not only did the Great War NOT end all wars, it created some new and more complicated problems.

But those soldiers, like the soldiers of every generation, have made unimaginable sacrifices so that we can enjoy freedom. There is no way to adequately thank the scores of men and women who made that possible.

Poppyseed, we cannot persevere without any hope for peace. Even when it seems beyond our grasp, there is always hope.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Turns out the protective gear was unnecessary.

Considering the (mis)adventures we’ve had this past week, I was a little worried when we decided to go to Putt Putt yesterday afternoon. I was imagining mini-golf balls bouncing off of people’s eyes, or a child falling and breaking an arm, or perhaps one of the little people falling into the water hazards. You know – any of our usual mayhem and chaos.

Instead, it was a very lovely afternoon. Because it was the middle of a Monday afternoon, we pretty much had the run of the place. For $20, we had unlimited miniature golf, a hot dog and soda, and 40 tokens. Turns out, 18 holes is just a few too many for the little ones to stay focused, but they were a riot pretty much through the entire course. For starters, Gracie kept calling it “hockey.” And let me tell ya – she wielded that hockey stick golf club like she meant it. We kept yelling at Bee to stay “Off the greens!” more for her safety than from any obstacle she might present. After a few tries, Gracie pretty much had the mechanics of her swing down, but her strategy and accuracy were about on par for a five-year-old. It was hilarious watching her “guide” the ball a bit with her club, or else move the ball to a much more desirable location…like right next to the hole. After a few tries with Auntie Kim proving assistance with her swing, Bee pretty much gave up and we started scoring her on how many tries it took for her to throw her ball into the hole. I have to say: I never knew golf balls had so much bounce in them.

After miniature golf, we spent about an hour running around the arcade and spending our tokens. I was disappointed in the selection of games – they really didn’t offer any games for the really young crowd. There was skee ball, which I helped Bee play a time or six. After she nearly took out a couple of patrons and hit a fuzzy monster on a game right next to us, I tried to steer her towards other amusements, though. There were a lot of games of chance (see how many tokens you can win! Pull the wheel to win a million tickets! Play Wheel of Fortune for tickets!), which really didn’t teach them anything or take very long to play, but they spit out tickets, so the girls enjoyed them. Bee kinda scared me with the color roulette wheel. She picked the long shot colors almost every time and kept winning. Mama might have to set up a real roulette wheel to practice on and then we’re headed to Vegas, baby.

We topped off our afternoon by trading in our hot dog and drink coupons for two giant red slushees instead. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen my girls around slushees (or Auntie Kim, for that matter), but that was the moment where I most feared for my life. I thought Gracie was going to bite my finger off for trying to share her slushee (yes, she was made to share) and both girls were frightening with the way they wielded those extra long straws with the scooper spoon thing attached to the end. I thought for sure one of us was going to end up with one accidentally stuffed up our nose. Thankfully, that didn’t happen, but Auntie Kim did say something funny at one point that made slushee (almost) come out my nose. And then, once that awful sensation passed, I had to explain to Gracie what I meant and why she couldn’t see it. Height of hilarity, we are.

So that was our very lovely, disaster-free (finally!) afternoon! To celebrate, I made the girls go to school and I am actually putting in a full day of work. Auntie Kim, I imagine, will be sleeping it off at home. What can I say? It is hard being us.

African Children


So after 8-9 weeks of scope changes and concept brainstorming & lots of process.. this is “sorta” the end-of-year final video piece I made in the Digital Design program at Vancouver Film School. There are some glitches & some refinements still to be fixed. The concept/brief was to create a 1min. story-based info-graphic commericla for a fake charity organization that sends footballs as a symbol to help under-privileged African children from the daily threats posed on them.
Please comments & critiques welcome…
Thank You,

Sunday, November 8, 2009

ALVIN S. SIMPLETON SAYS WITCHES ARE REAL

I dont believe in witches. ‘Course here in these United States in the 21st century,  witches dont exist, or at least we aint burning none of ’em.

I can tell you, though, that in Africa, them witches are for real.

Back in June of this year, folks in a village in Kenya burned alive some old folks, a woman and  five men because they had been accused of using witchcraft on a small boy who walked about in the night and couldn’t speak the next morning except to one of the so-called witches.

This horror aint confined to Kenya. In Nigeria in October, a pastor of a church accused a boy of being a witch. The father tried to pour acid down the boy’s throat to drive out the witch. The boy died from the acid spilled on his face and body and poured down his throat.

Driving out witches is done in the name of Christianity, and we sometime wonder why Christianity gets such a bad reputation.

And I wonder if the folks who doing these things realize it gives mother Africa a bad name?

Lord, I hope somebody, some day, some where in Africa brings some sense to those crazy folks.

 

Just because I am a woman and hit on you, doesn't mean I want to be in a relationship or get married...ego much???

-Listen, I don’t want to be in a relationship”

-Calm down, I just asked if that seat was taken! -Samantha Jones, Sex and the City

Most men think that all women want is to get married and have babies. And yeah there is some truth to that.

yes, apparently this is the only thing we EVER think about

Many women I know married their high school sweetheart. These women either found “the one” in 12th grade or wanted to settle before having the experience of dating with different people post-18 years.

Then there are some women I know who married people they met in college. They dated a few guys, maybe they found the one, but were ready to settle before 21.

Then are some other women aka, me…who are in their mid twenties or older who refuse to settle for anything. And I mean we won’t settle for anything. Many of us have traveled the world, gone to more than one post-secondary school, attempted to penetrate very competitive careers, want to have the perfect house, and yeah, the perfect guy. This woman is here-in-after, the non-settling femme.

But just because we hit on you doesn’t mean we think you are the perfect guy, that we want to date you, hell we might not even want to see you again after that night.

So why do so many men need to verbalize their disdain for a relationship before a relationship even starts. Or better yet, why is this declaration based on the assumption that we want to be with you?

Side note “One of my friends slept with a guy who as soon as he pulled out after climax said…”you know I’m not looking for a relationship or anything” WHAT????!!!! why is that necessary?

I understand the stereotype, men go out and work and women have the babies. Except for the fact of my being, precisely that I am pursuing an extremely masculine dominated career, should illustrate the fact that maybe I don’t have time for a relationship, and probably don’t want to have babies for at least 7 more years.

Recently, I was in an embarrasing situation. Or maybe it was just confusing. I hit on a guy a thought was attractive, I didn’t really know much else about him. And the hitting on him was a bit of task since we work together. Usually I’m all about the hunt which is much easier when you’re talking to a guy in the bar, but you have to tread softly when colleagues are involved. Anyway, I pretty much asked this guy out, and I was flat out REJECTED.

This was strange to me because I have never been rejected before. Never. Well there was one time with my date to homecoming, but he didnt reject me pre-date, we actually went to homecoming, and it turned out that he was gay. And then there was another instance when I was turned down by a guy but this was because he had a girlfriend, but in the rejection was an implicit “i would fuck you if I didn’t…this really sucks.” So I have never had a straight-up hetero rejection. Not for sex, not for changing a tire, not for buying me a drink, not for stripping my floors, not for anything. And I am sure many of you all reading this are thinking…vain much? However, this is based on affirmations from friends and COMPLETE STRANGERS. So there you have it.

So I was pondering how this happened. Immediately I thought, well he must be gay. And he very well could be. Then I thought, maybe he doesn’t like black chicks with big boobs. But I figure, like the cute Asian girl, or the blonde bombshell, I at least am the prototype for a sexy fetish. Or the other most damning thought is, he rejected me because he thought I wanted to be in a relationship. Sigh.

she is beautiful, over 20, and hitting on me, it must means she wants to be in a relationship! dammit!

What is it about the non-settling femme that screams I want to be in a relationship? And how conceited for a person to automatically think that they are the type of person I would want to be in a relationship with? From the way I dress, to my Bettie Paige bangs, to my piercings, to my tattoos, even this blog site in itself, screams counter-culture. So how is it that I have become the chick who only would want to sleep with a man because she wants to get into a relationship, and then get married, and then have children???

What most men don’t know is that pretty much all attractive non-settling femmes have actually been proposed to, and either broke off an engagement or rejected the proposal because guess what, like you, we dont necessarily want to be in a relationship or get married to just anyone either. I myself have been proposed to by my high school sweetheart who was rich, And I also could have married my college boyfriend, and I didn’t. Not to mention the 5 marriage proposals I received when I was abroad. And all of my non-settling femme best friends have done the same. Diamond engagement rings sent right back to the jewelry store.

yeah im gonna need something like this, in platinum

And even if you are more than a one-night stand, or we go out on dates doesn’t mean we want a relationship either. I mean, I need at least two months of dating to see if I want to be with someone in the long run. Let’s be clear. If I am hitting on you it is simply because I am physically attracted to you, which should emphasize the physical aspect of the thing. Get it?

I mean I have certain characteristics I look for in an ideal too. And there are certain things I can’t abide by in a relationship, so maybe you just aren’t in the running. For example, I can’t be in a relationship with

-a vegan who nags me because I eat meat

-a bad kisser

-a person who is bad in bed

-a person without at least a bachelor’s degree

-a heroin or crack addict

-a person who hates dogs

-a person who doesn’t like bbq sauce

I mean the list goes on and on…

Some of my male friends have said that maybe some guys only date women when they know they want to be in a relationship. Which is a valid point. But I mean, how do you know you want to be in a relationship with someone if you haven’t had sex yet? I mean do women not have to be good in bed with a man? Or is it that no one does it anymore?

I have also been told, that of course I would never get rejected by a guy if I threw myself at him, eg, if I make it known that I only want him to hit it. But really, that is so dehumanizing, and I shouldn’t have to say it, because isn’t it implicit in the flirtation?

i dont have relationships, which is why i have great sex-samantha jones

So, I guess if I see a guy I like, even though he knows I’m a non-settling femme, when I introduce myself, I’ll just say, hi, my name is ______________, and I think you’re hot, but just so we’re clear I don’t necessarily want to be in a relationship.


Saturday, November 7, 2009

My Heroes, Whom I've Never Met

Tim is a young man I’ve seen pictures of that I’d like to thank. I’ve never met him, but I knew his folks back in my younger days.  But he looks to be honorable and courageous in his uniform. I don’t know his exact job in the service, but it all boils down to one job, he is a soldier. He follows orders, he may even give a few orders, I don’t know. But he goes far away from home and stands for our freedom and this great nation and that is all I need to know for me to call him my hero! To you Tim and all the others who put on the uniforms and serve, this nation can never begin to repay you enough.

I would be remiss not to mention two other heroes, Tim parents, Donna and Leonard. The courage it takes to let a child go fight is nothing less amazing than the courage of the soldier.  Tim is home right now for a visit from what I gather. I hope everyone that is around them during this time thanks these three heroes. They deserve our gratitude.

The dangers we face today are familiar. It’s war, whether we want to admit it or not. As this world seems  more insane by the minute, like the earth stopped and started spinning the other way. Our leaders don’t act like leaders, but more like spoiled brats squabbling in the school yard. They act more like a warped, twisted form of Hollywood, trying to get camera time, rather than governing the people in a representative republic.

In the mean time, we have a constant threat of fanatics who hide behind the protection of an insane, unwritten policy called political correctness with their religion as their shield, who’s only goal is to kill as many innocent people as they can.

This brings me to another hero to mention, Sgt. Kimberly Munley. She’s not in the same uniform as Tim. She’s a police officer.  She took a bullet while she put four bullets into a murderer, protecting Tim’s fellow soldiers. While the media plays the psycho babble analysis, giving this murderer (whose name doesn’t deserve any mention) more than his fifteen minutes of fame and politicians go on camera seeming almost troubled to make mention of anything but their agenda, Kimberly, quietly unassuming, is a hero!

Our heroes are in the background, while politicians and hollywood types are paraded in front of us by the media, like fools and jesters to entertain and distract the masses, so they won’t remember want it is to feel national pride and be patriots. So they can try to destroy our identity as Americans and shred the fabric of our country and our Constitution. We will not let this happen.

The next time you bump into someone in a uniform, thank them for being a hero. Bring them to the foreground and remember those who have fallen before. Forget the ticker tape parade for the Yankees, all they did was win some child’s game! There should be a parade in the streets every day for those who have sacrificed, so those over grown and over paid children can play a game in a free country. Honor those who truly deserve honor! Remember all of our heroes, whom we’ve never met.!

P.R. Knuhob

FOOD FOR FAMILY PHOTOS

We are having a Family Photo Special  for out local Food Bank!

ONE DAY ONLY!!!!!

Book your Family Photoʼs* with Stone Photography and pay only $75.00 plus tax** with the donation of at least one non-perishable food item for the Food Bank of Waterloo Region. This includes the shoot and THREE of your favorite s on a CD ready to print whenever you want!

WHEN:   Sunday December 5, 2009

WHERE:  Stone Photography Studio

Please visit us at the studio by Friday, November 20, 2009 to book your Family Portrait and drop off your food item in advance. Prepayment is required to confirm your time slot.  Spaces have already been booked by families who participated last year.  The sooner you book the better the chances of reserving your preferred time.  To schedule a time to come by the studio to book your shoot please contact us at 519 584-7859 or by email at info@stonephotography.ca.

.

*Family Portrait refers to 6 people or less in the photo. If there are more than 6 people per family unit a fee of $10.00 per extra person will apply.

**If there is no food food donation with the payment the cost of the Family Portrait is $195.00 plus tax with $120.00 being donated to the Food Bank of Waterloo Region.

Items most needed by the food bank are:

Macaroni & Cheese, Canned Beans and Beans in Sauce, Rice, Peanut Butter, Dry Pasta, Pasta Sauce,

Canned Fruit, Canned Meat and Fish, Canned Stews, Canned Pasta.

Please help us to make this Holiday season a little brighter for those who are less fortunate this year!

Hope to see you soon,

Your friends at Stone Photography!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Personal

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Brief Funnies...

Author’s note: In Spanish, corn is “maiz” (with emphasis on the ‘i’).

I was doing bird cards with a few children, including a bilingual (Spanish-English) 4-yr old girl.  I showed them a picture of an owl.   The children repeated: “owl”.

Girl: What do owls eat?

Me: Owls like to eat mice.

Girl: Oh, I like to eat maiz, too!!

****************

Continuing with the bird cards, I pulled out a swan.

Me: This is a swan.

Chorus of children: Swine…

Me: *sigh*

And we adults think kids aren’t listening when we talk…

************************

A conversation overheard this morning…

5 yr old boy: There was a woman who flew a plane, her name was Amelia Earhart.

4 yr old girl: Oh, my sister’s name is Amelia!

Boy: Yeah, her first name was Amelia, her middle name was Ear and her last name was Hart.

************************

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

How to get your boyfriends or girlfriends password or see his/her chat logs or received and sent messages on facebook, MSN etc

With this program everything is possible, from getting a password to any community site, e-mail or forums and seeing all chat logs or messages – to recording microphone sounds (cybersex or the chat with another person and even webcam activity! (Both the own persons and a possible strangers webcam if he/she is watching naked teenagers behind your back). And best of all: you will have PROOF of what you have seen, which you obviously wont if you just suspect something without this program.

For all those people who want to find out if your partner is cheating or the password to your partner’s facebook/myspace/e-mail/msn and other. Or if you are a parent worrying about what your kid might be doing at the computer behind closed doors.

Business going bad? Time to check up on your employees surfing habits. But how to do this, without getting caught trying to get some information?

Keep reading, I have the solution for all of you people.
I chose to introduce you to a keylogging/surveillance program after finally finding the tool that will give myself some answers to questions regarding my own relationship. I have searched for quite a long time and thought that there just aren’t any effective programs out there yet. But I found out that there is, it’s called All In One Keylogger, I gave it a try and I was honestly said frightened about the information it is able to collect, it will give you the answers to all your questions and suspiciousness.

The program fits for:

a) People in a relationship
b) Business administration, finding out what your employees do when they “work”
c) Parents who want to keep track of their kids.

From their homepage you can read about the futures of All In One Keylogger, as I find it a bit pointless to copy paste whole production info page. Don’t be scared off by the word keylogger, YOU are the master of the program, only you will ever have control of the logs, pictures and audio that it monitors. Below is a lot of information about the features and what the program does, I recommend to read it in order to get a idea about the program.


Product Website:
http://www.plimus.com/jsp/redirect.jsp?contractId=1682768&referrer=Niar

 

I chose to speak more about my personal experiences of the program instead of talking about all the futures, those can all be found by following the link above to the product site.


What does All In One Keylogger do?

All In One Keylogger logs all keystrokes and passwords that have been typed into crypted files on your computer, it tracks all windows and applications that have been launched, clipboard, chat conversations (sent and received), all Web sites that have been visited, e-mails sent and received.

You can set it to take screen snapshots every few seconds or on each mouse click, just like a surveillance camera. It can also record Microphone sounds and restrict the access to specified Web sites and applications if wanted. It can even be set up to send these logs to your e-mail or FTP for tracking when you are away!

Personally I hate it the times I get the feeling in my stomach that something might be going on when I’m away from my partner, this is the solution to get rid of the paranoia, or to get proof for your suspicions. It snaps up all usernames and passwords into the very easily readable log viewer supported in the All In One Keylogger program. And maybe even more importantly you can set it up to take screen snapshots every few seconds and view the pictures later. I chose to divide the potential usage areas into different categories, you might wonder what the All In One Keylogger could be good for, I’ll tell you.

Relationship:
In the survey that took place in United States in the year of 2005 which includes married couples only, 56% of the participants of the survey said that during their marriage they had at least one sexual encounter with a person that is not their spouse. Are you living in a relationship and suspect that your partner is cheating on you, or doing other stuff he/she shouldn’t be doing on your/her computer (flirting harshly on community sites, MSN messenger contacts, webcam usage, microphone usage or visiting sites that are uncomfortable in a relationship.. the list goes on.

This is where All In One Keylogger can be there to save you from wasting time on your relationship, you wonder what your partner does when he/she is on the computer and you are away or working night shift. Well there is no reason to keep wondering and being paranoid about what she might be doing, you can find it out directly by downloading the trial version straight away (it is amazingly easy to set up, and the best part is that it is totally undetectable/invisible in windows, so no one can find out it’s installed and running.. read more on product site for more detailed info).

 It basically records all keystrokes, and shows in which program the text has been typed in, stores visited sites and you can set it up to take a picture of the screen for example every 10 seconds!

Employers:
In the survey that took place in Britain in the year 2006, 87% of the employees participating in the survey said that they surf on the internet during their work at least once a week. 73% of them said that they surf at least once a day. 23% of them said that they dedicate more time to surfing on the internet than to their work! In the additional survey that took place in the same year answered 36% of the employers, participants of the survey mentioned that they are afraid that secrets of the company will be sent to their competitors from the company computers by their employees. 4% announced that they fell victim to the theft of company secrets by their workers from the company computers.

Are you running a small sized company, and wonder why you aren’t getting as much work done as you should be getting. Well the solution is here, with All In One Keylogger you can make sure who are actually working and who are not. The result can be scary, you might find out that the employee is actually playing online poker half day or such, no wonder that the results aren’t so promising. There are a lot of people who don’t care as long as their getting paid, so they will just entertain themselves in some way instead of actually working.

Download trial (7 days free):
http://www.plimus.com/jsp/download_trial.jsp?contractId=1682768&referrer=Niar

Parents:
Today, almost every child has access to internet. This comes thanks to the advance in technology, but has also risks involved. Did you know that: The average age when the children encounter pornography in the internet is 11? The age of the largest pornography consumer group in the internet is between 12 to 17? 85% of children between the ages 6-16 encountered pornographic content intentionally or unintentionally (most of them while preparing their homework). 25% of children between ages 9-17 will freely disclose their home address in the internet? 60% of children who committed suicide, declared their intentions online directly or indirectly? One in five children who use the computer chat rooms has been approached over the internet by pedophiles? Only 25% of youth who received sexual solicitation told a parent.

The children today are very sophisticated and most of us parents don’t have the knowledge to know what they are doing behind their closed doors in front of the computer. Are they browsing to inappropriate websites, are they downloading illegal content using P2P programs that will in the future result in lawsuits of thousands of dollars? What personal information they disclose about themselves, are they talking to adults, or maybe they meet them?

All In One Keylogger has many features:

No activity on your computer will be able to evade this high quality Keylogger. Does your kid make secret chat conversations with adult strangers? Maybe even with a pedophile that searches for his next victim? Does he surf to pornographic sites? Maybe he even exposes his personal details where he is not supposed to? Does he use P2P programs, sharing copyrighted materials which could constitute a pretext to a lawsuit of tens thousands of dollars? Have you ever wondered why does your husband “work” on his computer so late at the night? Does he have a secret online lover?Have you ever wondered who is your wife’s “partner” she talks with all the time? Do your employees surf on the internet instead of doing their work which you pay them for? Do they sell company secretes to your competitors? A high quality Keylogger should give you the answers to all these questions. No activity will be able to evade from it. No undesirable activity will be able to evade from you! As said, a high quality Keylogger is an “All In One Keylogger”, so just press this link to download “All In One Keylogger”:

Download trial (7 days free):
http://www.plimus.com/jsp/download_trial.jsp?contractId=1682768&referrer=Niar

Link for buying full version:
https://www.plimus.com/jsp/buynow.jsp?contractId=1682768&referrer=Niar

With this program everything is possible, from getting a password to any community site, e-mail or forums and seeing all chat logs or messages – to recording microphone sounds (cybersex or the chat with another person and even webcam activity! (Both the own persons and a possible strangers webcam if he/she is watching naked teenagers behind your back). And best of all: you will have PROOF of what you have seen, which you obviously wont if you just suspect something without this program.

I tried to bring up the most important things in this article, but there sure is more to read if you still aren’t sure, simply visit the links provided and read more about people who have bought the product or view the awards that the product has received. Everyone has different use or needs of the program, and it sure was a relief to my head after finally getting answer to my questions using this brilliant program.

Panic call- it's lice

Last night was an extremely late night in NYC (that’s another post) and today I planned on staying in my PJ’s, being as productive as I could and working all day. I receive a panic call from my daughter’s best friend, (she’s also like a daughter), Her daughter (who’s like a granddaughter) was scratching her head like crazy and she was concerned she had lice. This is something I used to deal with at work quite often (I was a cosmetologist) and I know how freaked out people can get. I tell her to calm down, just because she’s itchy doesn’t mean she has lice. I explain to her how to check for it and to call me back. She calls back and guess what? She has it…..now I talk to her very matter of factly, It’s not the end of the world and very common among children. It’s going to be a pain in the ass but it’s curable! I explain the whole process of what to do for her daughter, herself, the house, the car, and who she needs to call.

I then remember my husband telling me how the baby(she’s not really a baby, she’s 5) came over yesterday and she slept at my daughter’s house. SHIT- now I have to check everyone’s head and totally sanitize the house. Of course my daughter calls me and is freaking out, so I tell her I’ll be over to help.

After sanitizing both houses, and checking everyone’s head- I give the clean bill of health. Just in case though, my daughter wants to run to Target to grab Rid….just in case. I finally get back at 9 pm and put on my pj’s…better late than never.

Lice…..when most think of this disgusting little pest of a bug, they get totally freaked out. If you think you or your child have lice, stay calm and follow these steps.

What are lice?
Lice are tiny bugs that live on the scalp and neck. They are not able to jump or fly but they are highly contagious and can spread quickly from person to person. They spread mainly through head-to-head contact, sharing clothing, bed linens, combs, brushes, and hats can also help pass them along. They are not dangerous and don’t cause disease. They do feed off the blood by biting a couple times a day, causing red bumps that itch. They lay eggs are the hair which are called nits.

Checking for lice

You will need to part small (very small) sections of the hair and look for the actual bug (louse) and look for the nit. The nit looks like a piece of dandruff stuck to the hair (usually close to the scalp) and doesn’t come off easily.

What to do if you find it

You will need to purchase a treatment shampoo (Rid is good) and a fine-tooth comb. There are kits that include the nit combs.

Treating hair

Follow the directions on the medication. While the hair is wet, you’ll need to part the hair in tiny sections and comb-out the nits. Sometimes olive oil is used to help get the nits off. You can use conditioner after you use the shampoo o make it easier to comb through. This process is tedious and takes some time.

If your child is under 2 years, call the physician.

Treating the house

1. Wash all bed linens and clothing that’s been recently worn by anyone in your home who’s infested in very hot water (130° Fahrenheit, 54.4° Celsius), then put them in the hot cycle of the dryer for at least 20 minutes. Dry clean any clothing that isn’t machine washable or store all clothing, stuffed animals, comforters, etc., that cannot be washed or dry cleaned into a plastic bag and seal it for two weeks.
2. Vacuum carpets and any upholstered furniture (in your home or car).
3. Soak hair-care items like combs, barrettes, hair ties or bands, headbands, and brushes in rubbing alcohol or medicated shampoo for 1 hour. You can also wash them in hot water (130 degrees F; 55 degrees C) or just throw them away.

Calls

Call your child’s school, daycare, and anyone they may have come in contact with.

You can find complete information at www.cdc.gov/lice/head/factsheet.html

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Halloween At the White House

Yesterday the White House opened its doors to 2,000 children from the DC area. In the midst of recession, war, unemployment and every other problem we face it was good to see children just having fun. There was also a party for the children of the military. Children bring joy and life to any situation and it was just good to see the White House reach out to the littlest  citizens of the United States.

Beware Child Protective Services: What Victims, Advocates, and Mandated Reporters Need to Know

Introduction

Probably no other public agency leaves victims and advocates more perplexed than Child Protective Services. On the one hand, people think of CPS with appreciation as they envision a selfless agency rescuing innocent children from horrific conditions. Indeed, CPS workers across the country do this routinely. The gratitude is deserved.

At the same time, the agency seems to be perpetually marred by a steady drumbeat of nightmare stories about CPS emanating from the very families CPS is supposed to serve. This text deals with just one of these problems; the CPS practice of removing or threatening to remove children from the nonviolent, non-offending parent in cases of family violence. This guide explains why this happens with such frequency, how to help prevent it from happening in your case, and what to do about it if you’re already caught in its grip. (Since the non-offending, nonviolent parent in these cases is usually the mother, we often refer to this parent as ‘the mother’, though there are certainly cases where the non-offending parent is the father.)

The Situation as it Usually Unfolds

In brief, the particular problem we cover usually unfolds like this. A mother herself seeks help from CPS or becomes involved with CPS through someone else’s report of suspected child abuse. Her child has been physically or sexually abused by a family member, usually by a male family member, or there are concerns the child is living in a home where there is domestic violence. At first, the mother naturally anticipates that CPS will try to help her and her child, and try to punish and stop the perpetrator. So these mothers are stunned when suddenly the CPS/juvenile court system turns its sights on her, even though everyone agrees she didn’t perpetrate the abuse or violence.

Suddenly she is the one under investigation, and the perpetrator is seeming to be all but ignored. And worse, CPS is threatening to take her child from her, or has already done so without warning or notice, and is threatening to keep the child, right at the time that mother and child need each other most. She feels the system turn hostile toward her. Did she, the non-offending parent, protect the child from the violent parent? Did she protect the child from molestation? Did she protect the child from being exposed to domestic violence in the home? Well, no, obviously she did not, or could not, or, in the case of molestation, often didn’t know about it.

Instead of being treated more as a co-victim of a violent perpetrator, with help and guidance provided according to the mother’s expressed needs, she is treated more as a co-perpetrator, with CPS establishing mandated controls over virtually any which aspect of her life CPS chooses, all under threat of losing her child. In addition to court dates at which it is her behavior that’s in question, CPS gives her a mandated, often overwhelming set of programs and goals she must comply with to the satisfaction of the CPS/juvenile court system, in order to – maybe – get the child back – and maybe not. She is also held accountable for maintaining a cooperative attitude throughout, even though she is, in fact, in a profoundly adversarial relationship with CPS (which is why she’s given an attorney at court time). At the same time, she begins to realize that the CPS/juvenile court system isn’t pushing to hold the perpetrator accountable for his violence, nor is CPS even invested with the power to do so.

Most mothers say they would rather be threatened with jail than to be threatened with the loss of her child. Yet as invasive, terrifying, and awesome as this governmental threat is, virtually all the decisions as to her fitness, compliance, and fate are being decided at the lowest judicial standard of evidence, 51% of the evidence, the ‘preponderance of the evidence’ standard. This is a far cry from the ‘beyond a reasonable doubt’ standard the government must reach before sentencing someone to jail for even the briefest time.

The level of proof against her that CPS is required to put forth is so minimal that it provides the mother little protection against any abusive, prejudiced, or discriminatory exercise of power by CPS. The low evidence burden on CPS also makes it nearly impossible for the mother to defend herself, especially against such vague accusations as ‘failure to protect’, or that ’she knew or should have known’, things which don’t even constitute a crime in the criminal system. And to top off the injustices, an all too common requirement on her must-do list is that she and/or the child must partake in family conferencing or a family reunification plan in which one or both must meet, mediate, or co-counsel with the perpetrator – the very same perpetrator from whom the mother has been accused of ‘failure to protect’ the child.

The Dawn of Recognition

Unfortunately, such stories are not the result of occasional human errors that are bound to occur in any public agency. They are, instead, inevitable and frequent outcomes stemming from the flawed founding premises and the weak legal underpinnings of the CPS/juvenile court system. The structure of the system drives toward these injustices no matter how well intentioned individual CPS workers may be. Nor is this to say that children should never be removed from the non-offending parent. There are circumstances in which they should. The problem is that the system is so arbitrary, sexist, secret, and outdated, that it tends toward abusive or mistaken results.

In the last decade, there has been growing recognition and discussion of the CPS problem as it pertains to the non-offending parent. In 1999, the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges put together the Greenbook Initiative, a set of 67 recommendations aimed at remedying precisely this set of problems. But though the Greenbook gives long overdue recognition to the issue, the recommendations don’t call for installing any firm checks on the system, as will be discussed in more detail in a later section.

And in 2004, in New York state, there was a landmark settlement in a class action lawsuit against that state’s child welfare agencies. The lawsuit, Nicholson v. Scoppetta, had been brought by mothers who had their children removed for no other reason than that the mothers, victims of domestic violence, had failed to protect their children from ‘exposure’ to the domestic violence. The 2004 lawsuit agreement and an earlier injunction prohibited child welfare agencies from using this reason alone to remove children from non-offending parents.

Though the lawsuit put CPS agencies around the country on notice of their wrongdoing and harm done in these cases, to date it has brought only modest change in practice. The vague laws and weak evidence standards governing CPS means that CPS workers need only adjust the language used in their justification for removing a child, offer the usual scant proof, and many juvenile courts continue removing children in these situations as before.

Perhaps the brightest spot on the horizon is the year 2005 resolution passed by the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges in support of presumptively open hearings with discretion of courts to close. Since their founding, most CPS/juvenile court proceedings have been operating in secret, completely off the public record. This secrecy has mushroomed the system’s tendency toward abuse. The judges’ 2005 resolution in support of open hearings is not yet law, but it’s a promising step. It’s highly unlikely any of the system’s abuses will be corrected until this essential public airing and public scrutiny of the system’s proceedings is firmly set into law and practice.

The Oppressive Swath of Danger and Damage

The harm of the widespread CPS practice of removing or threatening to remove children from non-offending parents extends far beyond the dangers and injustices to individual mothers and children. The harm extends to nearly every poor, immigrant, or minority race mother who is trying to deal with family violence. Most have heard first hand stories of CPS removing children from other mothers in their neighborhoods. As a result, they become reluctant to seek help for their own situations for fear that the same thing might happen to them.

Though we include a fair amount of information about the structure and history of CPS, the purpose of this guide isn’t to do policy analysis nor to make recommendations for change. The purpose of this guide is to give family violence victims, advocates, and mandated reporters information and tips that can help you, as best as possible, to understand and avoid the pitfalls and abuses of the CPS/Juvenile Court system as they pertain to the non-offending parent.

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Part 1 – Key Facts About Child Protective Services and Child Welfare Agencies
Though most of the information in this section is meant to explain why so many non-offending parents get victimized by the CPS system, we start by correcting a very common misconception about mandated reporting.

1. In California, and Many Other States, Mandated Reporters Do NOT Have to Report to Child Protective Services.

We start here because so many counselors, teachers, doctors, and other mandated reporters, many of whom are already sympathetic to the problems mothers experience with CPS, say there’s nothing they can do about it. They believe their state laws require that whenever they suspect child abuse, they must make a report to CPS. But that’s not, in fact, what the law in California and many other states says at all.

As you can see clearly in the California law printed here, the law gives mandated reporters a choice of institutions to which they can report. You can make your report to police, sheriffs, probation departments, or child welfare agencies. In fact, in California and many other states we’re familiar with, the mandated reporting laws put child welfare agencies last on the list of options.

Here is the section of the California State Mandated Reporter Law that pertains to whom one should report.

California Penal Code Section 11165.9
11165.9. Reports of suspected child abuse or neglect shall be made by mandated reporters, or in the case of reports pursuant to Section 11166.05, may be made, to any police department or sheriff’s department, not including a school district police or security department, county probation department, if designated by the county to receive mandated reports, or the county welfare department. Any of those agencies shall accept a report of suspected child abuse or neglect whether offered by a mandated reporter or another person, or referred by another agency, even if the agency to whom the report is being made lacks subject matter or geographical jurisdiction to investigate the reported case, unless the agency can immediately electronically transfer the call to an agency with proper jurisdiction. When an agency takes a report about a case of suspected child abuse or neglect in which that agency lacks jurisdiction, the agency shall immediately refer the case by telephone, fax, or electronic transmission to an agency with proper jurisdiction. Agencies that are required to receive reports of suspected child abuse or neglect may not refuse to accept a report of suspected child abuse or neglect from a mandated reporter or another person unless otherwise authorized pursuant to this section, and shall maintain a record of all reports received.

One obvious question after reading this law is why are so many mandated reporters taught incorrectly that they must report to CPS when the law in many states so clearly gives mandated reporters a choice. The reasons will become clearer in the section on the history of child protection. But in brief, CPS agencies were established back in the late 1960’s and 1970’s at a time when a strong national consensus had developed that children shouldn’t suffer abuse in the home. However, it was also a time when family violence was not yet viewed as criminal, and perpetrators were not held accountable. CPS powers and functions were shaped to reflect that ambivalent constellation of beliefs. And today, despite advances, there is still strong societal resistance to holding family violence perpetrators accountable. And there’s a corresponding tendency to channel intrafamilial child abuse cases into CPS where policies and powers are set to detain the child and not the perpetrator.

But the main point we want to underscore here is that mandated reporters in many states can choose not to report to CPS. You have other options, and often those other options will be much more beneficial for both the mother and the child.

NOTE 1: Finding the Text of Your State’s Mandated Reporting Law – Most states have their full legal codes on the Internet in searchable form. Go to your state’s legal codes page. In most states, the mandated reporting laws will be in your state’s Penal Code. Search ‘child abuse mandated reporter’ or similar term.

NOTE 2: Cross Reporting – In California and in many other states the child abuse mandated reporting laws require ‘cross-reporting’ between agencies. This means that the agency which receives the initial report must immediately send copies of the report to other designated agencies. So if CPS receives the initial report, CPS must immediately send a copy of the report to the relevant police agency and to the District Attorney’s office, and visa versa. This cross-reporting requirement has little effect on the problems we’re trying to outline here because in general practice the agency that first receives the report is the agency which takes primary responsibility for handling the case.

2. CPS Does Not Have the Power to Open a Criminal Case Against the Perpetrator, Nor Do They Have the Power of Arrest. CPS agencies are not law enforcement agencies. They are social service agencies. This explains why CPS does not take action against the perpetrators of the violence.

Child Protective Services do not have the power to open a criminal case against perpetrators of child abuse. They do not have the power to do criminal investigations of child abuse, nor the power of arrest. Nor does the juvenile court system that corresponds to CPS cases seek to prosecute the perpetrators, nor are these courts invested with the power to do so.

CPS workers are not law enforcement officers, they are social service workers. Child Protective Services are a branch of your state social services department. They are not part of your justice department nor of your local law enforcement agencies.

Understanding this is key to understanding why the CPS/juvenile court system does not hold perpetrators accountable for violent acts against a child, nor does it seek to gather evidence for prosecution, nor to punish the perpetrators for what they’ve done. The CPS/juvenile court system was never intended nor empowered to do so.

So, if your daughter was raped by her stepfather, for example, CPS will not investigate his crime, will not seek to punish him, nor in any way hold him accountable. Likewise, if your husband is violent with you and CPS is looking into the status of the children, CPS has no power to hold the perpetrator accountable for his violence.

NOTE 1: The CPS ‘Investigation’ – One of the things that creates confusion on this issue is that CPS and others use the word investigation to describe the CPS process of looking into the child abuse matter. But these are not criminal investigations where evidence is gathered to determine ‘beyond a reasonable doubt’ who committed a particular crime, and how, so that the perpetrator can be brought to justice.

A CPS ‘investigation’ can be better understood as a social narrative report on the status of a child and the child’s family. To be sure, the CPS report centers around the issue of the suspected abuse. But once CPS determines it’s ‘more likely than not’ that the abuse occurred, that satisfies CPS inquiry into the incidents themselves.

Different from a criminal investigation, the main purpose of the CPS report is to determine whether or not the child needs to be protected from future abuse, and if so, what needs to be done to protect the child from future abuse. As such, CPS reports focus in on detailing the family histories of the parents, the psychosocial and economic conditions of the home, the relationships between the family members, the school and educational status of family members, as well as covering the alleged abuse. All of these things, except for the abuse, would be completely irrelevant in a criminal investigation.

NOTE 2: Juvenile Court Powers in CPS cases – In many states, juvenile courts do now have the power to order perpetrators into counseling, and in some states have the power to order the abuser out of the home. These decisions, however, are rendered with the purpose of protecting a child from future abuse, and not with the purpose of holding the perpetrator accountable.

3. The CPS/juvenile court System Has Only One Significant Power, the Power to Remove Children from their Parents.

Although CPS does not have law enforcement powers, unlike most other social service agencies, CPS does have one awesome power, the power to take custody and remove children from the home. The stated purpose of this power is to protect the child from future abuse. The stated purpose is not to punish anyone, though obviously for parents and children who love each other this forced removal can be the worst punishment of all.

The lack of law enforcement powers explains why CPS does not take action against perpetrators. The power to remove children explains why CPS so quickly turns its sights on the non-offending parent.

Once CPS decides that abuse of a child or violence in the home has probably taken place, the CPS worker must then decide how best to protect the child from future abuse. Since it’s usually obvious that the child should not be immediately returned to the perpetrator of the violence, CPS quickly turns to the question of whether or not the child should stay with the non-offending parent. That’s how and why CPS becomes so fixated on ‘investigating’ the nonviolent parent. Did the mother protect the child from the abuse? Did she know, or should she have known, that the child was being molested? Did the mother protect the child from living in a home with domestic violence? Will she protect the child in the future?

No matter how you look at it, the circumstances of these situations can almost always be construed to indicate that the mother didn’t protect, and that she knew or should have known. After all, goes the thinking, she’s the mother and she’s living in the same home.

NOTE 1: CPS does have other options than to remove the child. In fact, federal and state law governing CPS requires that CPS pursue family preservation as well as child safety, and that CPS first make “reasonable efforts” to establish a service plan for the family to follow so the child can stay in the home, or return to the home.

But even if CPS is making a good faith effort to abide by these policies, it doesn’t alter the adversarial (oppositional) nature of the relationship with CPS in which the mother finds herself. Even if CPS has not taken the child and lays out a program for the mother to follow so the child can stay in the home, the mother knows full well what this means. ‘You do this program or we take your child’. The mother knows this doesn’t feel like help. It feels terrifying, hostile, and punitive. Especially so as her must-do-list is often hugely overwhelming since so many of the mothers are poor and acutely stressed. And even more hostile as the mother begins to see how prone the CPS exercise of power is to be arbitrary, prejudiced, and with shifting input and goals, the frequency of which is partly explained by the following.

4. At best, CPS/juvenile court Decisions are Made on the Lowest Judicial Standard of Evidence, the ‘Preponderance of the Evidence’ Standard, i.e. 51% of the Evidence. The void of evidence and rigor in the CPS/juvenile court system leaves the decision making process wide open to the virtually unchecked influence of mistakes, bias, discrimination, prejudice, vengeance, hearsay, junk science, nonsense, and arbitrariness of all kinds. (The one exception to this is that a final termination of parental rights usually requires a ‘clear and convincing’ standard of evidence, which is still a much lower standard than the ‘beyond a reasonable doubt’ standard of the criminal system.)

When CPS seeks to establish the abuse, remove a child for up to 18 months, establish mandated service plans, determine visitation, etc., CPS must go into juvenile court to get these decisions authorized by the court. At first this may seem to provide the kind of oversight on CPS decisions that would make the process just, equitable, and safe from abuses. But read on.

First, the body of law governing the CPS/juvenile court system is so vague and open ended that virtually any and all decisions made by these bodies falls within the scope of the laws.

Second, at best, CPS and juvenile courts makes these decisions based on the ‘preponderance of evidence’ standard. This is the lowest judicial standard of evidence. The preponderance of the evidence standard is 51% of the evidence. It’s sometimes called the ‘more likely than not’ standard. What this means is that all CPS needs to support a decision is evidence on their side, the CPS side, which is just a sliver more than the evidence on your side. This is a far cry from the ‘beyond a reasonable doubt’ standard criminal officials must establish before they can convict someone of a crime, even a misdemeanor.

Example of Preponderance of the Evidence: The mother tells CPS she didn’t know that the stepfather was sexually molesting the daughter because the stepfather always did it while she (the mother) was watching television in another room. The CPS worker tells the court that the fact the mother was in the same house watching television while the stepfather molested the child is a good indication that the mother should have known what the stepfather was doing. Given the sloppiness of the ‘preponderance of the evidence’ standard, all the judge has to do is lean ever so slightly to the social worker’s argument, and the judge can issue a finding that the mother ‘knew or should have known’, and then based on this finding grant the CPS petition to detain the child. Which is exactly what happened in this case.

Many lawyers themselves are so scornful of the flimsy evidence standard of the CPS system they call it “a crap shoot”, or the “anything goes” standard. The problem for the mother goes beyond the fact that CPS doesn’t need much evidence against her. It also means that whatever opinion a CPS worker may have of you, the worker can usually support that opinion in court simply by fishing through the extensive family details the worker has gathered and then selecting out the one or two tidbits that favor the opinion.

Add to this the huge initial mistake many women make of thinking of CPS as their advocate or friend or counselor. They pour their hearts out to the worker, giving the worker a whole ocean of intimate information in which to fish for evidence against them.

Yes, it’s true that with all this latitude, the CPS system can actually do things right and put its full resources into helping the mother and child to get safely on their feet together. And indeed, there are plenty of cases where this is exactly what happens. But there are a number of things that makes the system tend toward abusive responses. One of these is the cardinal truth of any power. Unchecked power always tends towards abuses of that power. And the power of CPS is hugely unchecked. And worse yet, as is discussed later, it is exercised in secret.

A second thing that tends the system toward abusive and prejudicial responses is the class of the mothers themselves, and the heaping social prejudices that already prevail against them. The mothers who come to the attention of CPS are most often poor, or immigrant, or minority race, and themselves are the direct or secondary victims of family violence. The harsh realities of their lives are chaotic, frantic, and generally incomprehensible to people who don’t live them. There is so much prejudice, stereotypes, ignorance, and blame against these women floating in society that the middle class social service system is primed from the start to blame these mothers, or at the very least, to believe it’s the mothers that need to be fixed.

NOTE 1: Lessons from the Native American Community. Prior to the passage of the federal Indian Child Welfare Act of 1978, child welfare/juvenile court systems were removing up to 25% of the children from many Indian tribes, then terminating Indian parental rights, and adopting the children out to non-Indian families. Non-Indian social workers and judges were using rampant prejudicial and racist notions to justify these removals. In particular, CPS/juvenile courts were judging many traditional Indian child rearing practices to be abusive, in and of themselves. Native American peoples’ were losing so many of their children to this process, many tribes labeled these child welfare policies as genocidal.

The Indian tribes crafted the Indian Child Welfare Act with the aim of stopping this systematic removal of their children. In so doing, the Indians keenly understood how the use of the ‘preponderance of evidence’ standard gave free reign to the prejudices, racism, and arbitrary factors that were being used to justify taking their children. They understood that the more oppressed a person is the more they need a high standard of evidence to protect them from governmental abuse. So, among other things, the Indian Child Welfare Act requires that CPS/juvenile courts must use the stricter ‘clear and convincing’ standard of evidence before the state can put an Indian child in temporary foster care, and must use the even stricter ‘beyond a reasonable doubt’ standard of evidence before the court can order termination of Indian parental rights. The act also requires that at any termination hearing, there must be expert witness testimony on Indian culture and child rearing.

We feel strongly that these same protections should be extended to all who come before CPS, since most all of these families are members of historically oppressed groups.

5. The Flimsy ‘Preponderance of the Evidence’ Standard is Bad Enough, But Things are Actually Much Worse. Increasingly, the CPS/juvenile court systems are handing off their fact finding and decision making responsibilities to mediators, evaluators, and even to CASA volunteers, all of whom operate on NO standard of evidence at all.

There’s no doubt that the juvenile courts have become increasingly stressed over the last few decades as victims of family violence have emerged to seek help for their plights. But instead of adding resources to properly meet the need, the CPS/juvenile court system, like the family court system, has handed off more and more of its fact finding and decision making responsibilities to a whole phalanx of psychologists, mediators, evaluators, and even to volunteers.

These are court janitors, really, brought aboard to mop up the judicial mess made by women and children who have found a way to make their needs and outrage heard. When a case becomes complicated or contentious, or is just more work than the judge wants to handle, the judge simply turns the case over to one of these evaluators to look into the case and come back to the judge with a set of recommendations. In nearly all cases, juvenile court judges blindly rubber stamp these recommendations with no further ado.

What is absolutely critical to understand is that once handed off to these evaluators, you have been ushered out the court’s back door, outside the rule of court law, and completely unprotected by rules of evidence. These evaluators operate under NO standard of evidence. NO rules of admissibility. NO legal protections at all. Hearsay, psychobabble, prejudice, lies, gossip, it all comes in. And it’s often all against you because the perpetrators are usually expert manipulators and liars, and, in addition, they have likely already poisoned the social relationships around you. This is why it’s the non-offending parent who most needs strict rules of evidence for protection, and is most hurt by their absence.

NOTE 1 – CASA Volunteers – But it gets even worse. Many juvenile courts across the country are now handing off official fact finding and decision making responsibilities in these cases to CASA volunteers, people who are only required to have 30 hours training. And the juvenile courts are usually assigning these volunteers to the most egregious and complex cases of child abuse.

The public has been thoroughly wooed to the feel good idea of having CASA volunteers to ‘protect the interests of the child’ in these cases. Indeed, there is great benefit for the child to be assigned a special person to talk to and even to advocate for the child through this process.

The whole CASA program would be just fine if it ended there. But juvenile courts routinely swear these volunteers in as official court fact finders (investigators), as representatives of the child’s stated interests, as representatives of the child’s best interests, and, as formulators of recommendations to the court as to the best disposition of the child. A recent national study, the Packard Foundation funded Caliber Study, finds that juvenile court judges adopt ALL the recommendations of the CASA volunteers in over 60% of cases.

This is a complete mockery and travesty of any and all notions of justice, and is particularly contemptful of mother’s and children’s rights. For so many reasons. But just for one, imagine if your surgeon sought out and took the recommendation of whether to amputate your leg from a volunteer with 30 hours training. You would be outraged! And you would never deal with this surgeon again. Yet this is exactly what juvenile court judges across the country are doing on the question of whether or not to remove the child from the mother, in the most complex and egregious of cases. They are turning over their fact finding, evaluation, and decision making responsibilities by swearing in persons with 30 hours training to act in any or all these official capacities.

The courts say they are doing this because they want to be sure to hear the children’s voices. But you only have to think for a moment to realize what the courts are really doing is avoiding the costs of a professional investigator, expert, or professional representation that is minimally needed to guarantee even minimal judicial standards for children.

And these courts have the nerve to accuse the mothers of failure to protect!

6. Both the Federal and State Welfare Law Governing the CPS/Juvenile court System are Full of Vague, Non-mandatory Language, a Fact Which Further Promotes the ‘Anything Goes’ Atmosphere of CPS Proceedings. In addition, these laws almost always refer to the parents as an undifferentiated single unit, “the parents’, a fact which puts a legal lock on viewing the non-offending parent with as much culpability as the abusive parent. Only recently has the legal language begun to recognize the existence of the ‘non-offending parent’ as separate or unique from the offending parent.

As you read through the federal and state law governing child protective services you can see features of the law that further help explain the frequent arbitrary and biased actions of these agencies. Here are just two.

Federal and state welfare law governing child protective services are vague, nonspecific, and use mostly non-mandatory language. For example, federal law ‘encourages’ child welfare agencies to provide their materials in languages other than English. It does not mandate that they do so. As such, many, if not most, non-English speaking mothers receive their CPS reports, their service plans, and notices in English only. Another example is that welfare law states a ‘preference’ for family reunification, and says social workers shall make ‘reasonable efforts’ to provide services that allow the family to stay together.

This kind of language in the law leaves so much wiggle room that virtually anything the system decides will fall within the law, a fact which further magnifies the difficulties for a non-offending parent trying to defend herself or appeal these decisions.

A second feature that runs throughout child welfare law is that it constantly refers to ‘the parents’ as an undifferentiated entity. There’s very infrequent distinction in child welfare law between the offending and non-offending parent. In fact, if you were an alien from outer space reading this law, it would be a while before it even dawned on you that “the parents” are two separate human beings. This dubious framework stems from the archaic patriarchal view of marriage of not very long ago that the two become one and the one is the man.

Naturally, this constant reference to “the parents” helps cement the system’s huge blind spot to a woman’s predicament when her partner is abusive. Clearly, the law can’t see her more as a victim of the abuser, if the legal language lumps her in with the abuser. If the father is a domestic violence perpetrator, the mother, too, is automatically “engaging in domestic violence”, which is precisely the language the system has used to justify taking the children from mothers who are victims of domestic violence. Legal recognition and distinctions between the offending and non-offending parent are coming at a snail’s pace.

7. The CPS/Juvenile Court System Operates in Secrecy Off the Public Record. This secrecy fans the flames of the system’s other tendencies to abuse.

The reason that CPS/Juvenile Court findings, proceedings, mandates, and actions take place off the public record is ostensibly to protect the privacy of the child and family in what is viewed as a private family matter. But one certainly must ask, who really has been more protected by this secrecy, the CPS system or the families it serves?

Nothing fans the flames of governmental abuse like governmental secrecy. Secret files, secret evidence, secret accusations, secret proceedings are a sure fire formula for allowing abuses to thrive and expand throughout the system. Since its inception, CPS/juvenile court activities have been off the public record with the exception of only a few states. The involved parents are informed. But, to date, neither the public nor any public watchdog has been allowed scrutiny or oversight of the handling of these cases.

Fortunately, it looks like there is the possibility this may change. In 2005, The National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges voted approval of presumptively open hearings with discretion of courts to close. This isn’t yet law, but it’s a big step in that direction. As part of the resolution the judges wrote the following,

“Open court proceedings will increase public awareness of the critical problems faced by juvenile and family courts and by child welfare agencies in matters involving child protection, may enhance accountability in the conduct of these proceedings by lifting the veil of secrecy which surrounds them, and may ultimately increase public confidence in the work of the judges of the nation’s juvenile and family courts.”

We would probably word this a little differently, ‘Open court proceedings will increase public awareness of the critical problems faced by children and non-offending parents in matters involving child protection,…..’

8. Most all CPS/juvenile court Systems deal ONLY with Intra familial Child Abuse. This schism between the way society deals with child abuse perpetrated by a family member versus child abuse perpetrated by an ‘outsider’ points out a staggering hypocrisy in the rhetoric about treating child abuse seriously. Behind the rhetoric is a child welfare and police system that in reality works hand in hand to let most child abusers walk free.

Many people are very surprised when they call CPS to report a child abuse case perpetrated by a neighbor, a priest, a stranger, or by any one outside the family. CPS tells the caller they don’t handle these cases. They only respond to cases in which the perpetrator is a family member. So in most cases in which the perpetrator is not a family member, CPS tells the caller they’ll need to report to police.

Another thing that may surprise you is that if you call police to report a case of child abuse perpetrated by a family member, police will often tell you should report the case to CPS. Granted police could take the report if they wanted to, and they should take the report. But police themselves are all too often on the same philosophical page as CPS. They too often believe that when fathers ‘grow their own victim’, the fathers shouldn’t be held accountable like other offenders.

And another thing. Even if police do take a report of sexual abuse perpetrated by a family member, chances are very good that the perpetrator, even if convicted, will get off lightly compared to an outside-the-family perpetrator. California law, like the law in many states, maintains gaping legal loopholes where, prosecutors can, and frequently do, charge intra familial child sex abuse under different codes which allow the family offenders much lighter sentences. In addition, the law allows convicted intra familial child sex offenders to be given probation, different from outsider child sex offenders who must go to prison. And the law allows convicted intra familial child sex offenders to stay off the state’s public registered sex offenders lists, also unlike ‘outside’. (For a good discussion of the legal loopholes for fathers and other family members who sexually molest their children see Child Sexual Abuse and the State by Ruby Andrew at http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=904100)

There isn’t a civic leader out there that doesn’t publicly rage to the heavens about what monsters child molesters are, and how these ‘animals’ should be strung up at the crack of dawn. But, remember, the overwhelming majority of all child sex abuse is perpetrated by family members. What this means is that, in reality, we have a system that publicly beats its chest over the small percentage of child molesters who attack someone else’s child, while by legal slight of hand that same system lets the vast majority of child molesters go free. Not by accident, but by legal and institutional design. What’s perhaps most telling is that, at least in California, these legal loopholes for intra familial perpetrators have been widened over recent years, rather than tightened.

Or to put it another way, the more women and children have made demands on the system to stop family violence, the more the system has created ways to look good while paving the perpetrator’s escape. The patriarchy with all its bluff and bluster to the contrary, still supports the notion that a man’s home is his castle, and that his children are his to do with as he pleases. Unfortunately, CPS, with its hold-no-perpetrators-accountable system, is a vital part of the machinery for perpetuating these archaic and oppressive beliefs.

To Part 2

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Copyright © Marie De Santis,
Women’s Justice Center,
www.justicewomen.com
rdjustice@monitor.net