-Listen, I don’t want to be in a relationship”
-Calm down, I just asked if that seat was taken! -Samantha Jones, Sex and the City
Most men think that all women want is to get married and have babies. And yeah there is some truth to that.
yes, apparently this is the only thing we EVER think about
Many women I know married their high school sweetheart. These women either found “the one” in 12th grade or wanted to settle before having the experience of dating with different people post-18 years.
Then there are some women I know who married people they met in college. They dated a few guys, maybe they found the one, but were ready to settle before 21.
Then are some other women aka, me…who are in their mid twenties or older who refuse to settle for anything. And I mean we won’t settle for anything. Many of us have traveled the world, gone to more than one post-secondary school, attempted to penetrate very competitive careers, want to have the perfect house, and yeah, the perfect guy. This woman is here-in-after, the non-settling femme.
But just because we hit on you doesn’t mean we think you are the perfect guy, that we want to date you, hell we might not even want to see you again after that night.
So why do so many men need to verbalize their disdain for a relationship before a relationship even starts. Or better yet, why is this declaration based on the assumption that we want to be with you?
Side note “One of my friends slept with a guy who as soon as he pulled out after climax said…”you know I’m not looking for a relationship or anything” WHAT????!!!! why is that necessary?
I understand the stereotype, men go out and work and women have the babies. Except for the fact of my being, precisely that I am pursuing an extremely masculine dominated career, should illustrate the fact that maybe I don’t have time for a relationship, and probably don’t want to have babies for at least 7 more years.
Recently, I was in an embarrasing situation. Or maybe it was just confusing. I hit on a guy a thought was attractive, I didn’t really know much else about him. And the hitting on him was a bit of task since we work together. Usually I’m all about the hunt which is much easier when you’re talking to a guy in the bar, but you have to tread softly when colleagues are involved. Anyway, I pretty much asked this guy out, and I was flat out REJECTED.
This was strange to me because I have never been rejected before. Never. Well there was one time with my date to homecoming, but he didnt reject me pre-date, we actually went to homecoming, and it turned out that he was gay. And then there was another instance when I was turned down by a guy but this was because he had a girlfriend, but in the rejection was an implicit “i would fuck you if I didn’t…this really sucks.” So I have never had a straight-up hetero rejection. Not for sex, not for changing a tire, not for buying me a drink, not for stripping my floors, not for anything. And I am sure many of you all reading this are thinking…vain much? However, this is based on affirmations from friends and COMPLETE STRANGERS. So there you have it.
So I was pondering how this happened. Immediately I thought, well he must be gay. And he very well could be. Then I thought, maybe he doesn’t like black chicks with big boobs. But I figure, like the cute Asian girl, or the blonde bombshell, I at least am the prototype for a sexy fetish. Or the other most damning thought is, he rejected me because he thought I wanted to be in a relationship. Sigh.
she is beautiful, over 20, and hitting on me, it must means she wants to be in a relationship! dammit!
What is it about the non-settling femme that screams I want to be in a relationship? And how conceited for a person to automatically think that they are the type of person I would want to be in a relationship with? From the way I dress, to my Bettie Paige bangs, to my piercings, to my tattoos, even this blog site in itself, screams counter-culture. So how is it that I have become the chick who only would want to sleep with a man because she wants to get into a relationship, and then get married, and then have children???
What most men don’t know is that pretty much all attractive non-settling femmes have actually been proposed to, and either broke off an engagement or rejected the proposal because guess what, like you, we dont necessarily want to be in a relationship or get married to just anyone either. I myself have been proposed to by my high school sweetheart who was rich, And I also could have married my college boyfriend, and I didn’t. Not to mention the 5 marriage proposals I received when I was abroad. And all of my non-settling femme best friends have done the same. Diamond engagement rings sent right back to the jewelry store.
yeah im gonna need something like this, in platinum
And even if you are more than a one-night stand, or we go out on dates doesn’t mean we want a relationship either. I mean, I need at least two months of dating to see if I want to be with someone in the long run. Let’s be clear. If I am hitting on you it is simply because I am physically attracted to you, which should emphasize the physical aspect of the thing. Get it?
I mean I have certain characteristics I look for in an ideal too. And there are certain things I can’t abide by in a relationship, so maybe you just aren’t in the running. For example, I can’t be in a relationship with
-a vegan who nags me because I eat meat
-a bad kisser
-a person who is bad in bed
-a person without at least a bachelor’s degree
-a heroin or crack addict
-a person who hates dogs
-a person who doesn’t like bbq sauce
I mean the list goes on and on…
Some of my male friends have said that maybe some guys only date women when they know they want to be in a relationship. Which is a valid point. But I mean, how do you know you want to be in a relationship with someone if you haven’t had sex yet? I mean do women not have to be good in bed with a man? Or is it that no one does it anymore?
I have also been told, that of course I would never get rejected by a guy if I threw myself at him, eg, if I make it known that I only want him to hit it. But really, that is so dehumanizing, and I shouldn’t have to say it, because isn’t it implicit in the flirtation?
i dont have relationships, which is why i have great sex-samantha jones
So, I guess if I see a guy I like, even though he knows I’m a non-settling femme, when I introduce myself, I’ll just say, hi, my name is ______________, and I think you’re hot, but just so we’re clear I don’t necessarily want to be in a relationship.
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