Practice your swings

You might have to be bored

Or Angry

Or Apathetic

To hack people in the streets,

on their way to the grocers,

with machetes.

It could be on the radio

Or a sermon you heard

Or your fat bastardly neighbour

A little bird?

Here is a mob.

Your mob.

Practice your swings

Think of the time

you played tennis with

your cousin

at the youth club and

won,

when you throw a backhand.

You must be warned of the

drop

splatter

outpour

that flows and

stains.

But remember,

power

in numbers and also,

wash your beige dress shirt when

you get home,

The one you wear to work.

Give your kids hints on their homework

but not the solutions

and tell them about your day

when you kiss them

goodnight.

Tomorrow it will

begin

again.

[Via http://itsgenocide.wordpress.com]

A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation

By:Mike Jeffries

A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation, is the true story of one parent’s struggle to maintain a normal, loving relationship with his young son in the face of overwhelming odds. From the emotionally devastating actions of the child’s other parent, to a court system and mental health community ill-equipped to deal with a destructive family dynamic, A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation is both an education in parental alienation and an eye opening experience for parents who don’t believe this could happen to them.

Introduction to A Family’s Heartbreak

IN THE SPAN OF SEVEN DAYS I filed for divorce, was arrested and falsely accused of child abuse. I also walked into a clinic with all the symptoms of a heart attack. But you know what? Those events were the high points of my week. Divorce, arrests, child abuse charges and heart attacks are like marching in the Disney World parade compared to the world of parental alienation.

The concept of parental alienation is pretty simple – one parent deliberately damages, and in some cases destroys, the previously healthy, loving relationship between his or her child and the child’s other parent. In a severe case the alienating parent and child work together to successfully eliminate the previously loved Mom or Dad from the child’s life.

My introduction to parental alienation began on the night of July 14, 2004. Until that night my 11-year-old son and I had a wonderful relationship. By the early morning hours of July 15, 2004 we didn’t have a relationship.

I know what you’re thinking – a normal, healthy father/son relationship doesn’t go from hugs to heartbreak in a few hours. I believed the same thing. I was wrong. Parental alienation is like a train barreling through a dark tunnel with its lights off. I was standing in the middle of the tracks when the train emerged from the darkness. I never saw it coming.

Of course, now I can look back and say I should have at least heard the train coming. Now I can point to things my then-wife said to my son one and even two years before that might have set off alarms in my mind. But my son and I had a normal, healthy relationship. I couldn’t conceive that any parent would do something so emotionally destructive to his or her child. What I didn’t realize is that a variety of emotional issues could combine with the anger, hurt and bitterness of divorce to drive some people to unimaginably vindictive and destructive heights.

On that July night my attorney hadn’t even finished drafting my divorce complaint when my future ex-wife started screaming at me within earshot of my son. According to her I was solely responsible for our impending divorce. “Your father is abandoning us,” she told him.

My ex-wife had my son sleep in her bed that night. He was still sleeping in her bed when I moved out of the house one month later. “I need you to protect me,” she kept telling him.

Before I moved out, I couldn’t even get him to have dinner with me. “Please don’t leave me,” Mom begged him. “I don’t want to be alone.”

I’ve learned a lot about parental alienation since those first nights. I’ve had a lot of time on my hands. As I write this, I haven’t spent any time alone with my son in almost three years.

One thing I’ve learned is that an alienating parent is only interested in filling his or her unhealthy emotional needs at the expense of the other parent and their child. The alienating parent doesn’t understand that he or she is also hurting the child by forcing the kid to choose a side in the parental conflict.

I’ve also learned that parental alienation is not just a single crime against the other parent, but three crimes against the child.

The first crime is that the alienating parent doesn’t acknowledge that every child is one half of each parent. Every time the alienating parent tells the child how horrible the other parent is, the alienating parent is telling the child that half of him (or her) is horrible.

The second crime is that the alienating parent teaches the child that cutting off contact with people is an acceptable way to handle anger, hurt and disappointment. The world is full of people. One day the child will be an adult. The child will grow up without the appropriate coping skills to have normal, healthy relationships with other adults.

The third crime is that one day the child will look back on the alienating parent’s behavior from an adult perspective. He or she will then realize that the alienating parent robbed the child of something very precious – the love and attention of the other parent. The child-turned-adult will realize that the trust placed in the alienating parent was misplaced. He or she will feel betrayed. At that point the adult will not just have one damaged relationship with a parent, but damaged relationships with both parents.

The third crime is the worst crime of all.

I’ve learned so much about parental alienation I decided to write this book. But before you read any further there’s something you should know. I’m not a psychologist. I’m not a lawyer. I’m just a Dad. That’s all. A long time ago I would have identified myself as a journalist, but my last byline was during President Ronald Reagan’s administration. The statute of limitations on my journalism credentials expired long ago.

Yet my old journalism experience came in handy when I started studying parental alienation. My goal was to regain my relationship with my son. I knew I lived on an emotional roller coaster of anger, depression, helplessness and disillusionment. How were these emotions affecting my ability to achieve my goal? I couldn’t imagine what my son was living through. How could I address his issues when I didn’t even know what they were? What about family court judges, attorneys, family relation counselors, psychologists, and even the police? How could these divorce-war veterans help, or hurt, my chances of ever having a normal relationship with my son again?

I approached parental alienation like a journalist approaching a news story. I gathered the facts. I interviewed a variety of people – therapists, attorneys and victims. And I passed on everything I learned to the psychologists, attorneys and counselors involved in my case.

Guess what? Many of these professionals had never heard of parental alienation. And the few that had heard of it didn’t really understand how to approach a severe case legally or therapeutically. During my crash course in parental alienation I found lots of valuable books on children and divorce. These books discussed alienation-type symptoms, but few books tackled parental alienation head on.

One book that did tackle the subject was Dr. Richard Gardner’s The Parental Alienation Syndrome. Gardner’s book became my bible. I quoted Gardner chapter and verse when I talked to people involved in my case. But Gardner wrote his book for psychologists and attorneys. On the title page of The Parental Alienation Syndrome, Gardner even calls his book “a guide for mental health and legal professionals.” Naturally, Gardner used a lot of legal and psychological jargon to explain parental alienation.

Since Gardner talked about the life of an alienated parent in clinical terms, I wrote A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation to address alienation in human terms. The book is based on a true story. I wrote it from a parent’s perspective. There’s a big difference between clinically dissecting the anatomy of an alienated parent and being on the receiving end of the alienating behavior. Think about the difference between studying a driver’s manual and climbing behind the wheel of a car for the very first time. Reading the manual doesn’t quite measure up to stepping on the gas pedal.

Since I’m not a psychologist, I left the psychological analysis in this book to a professional with experience helping parental alienation families. I shared my story with him. You can sit in on our “sessions” and hear him clinically explain parental alienation. I’ll also give you my perspective on parental alienation. I’ve learned a lot about the legal and psychological professionals forced to deal with this relatively new phenomenon. Perhaps my perspective will save you some time and money. Maybe my experience will help convince legal and mental health professionals that parental alienation is not something they can just dismiss as “bad parenting.” Most of all, I hope my experience will help your family avoid what my family went through.

A big part of this book relates examples of alienating behavior. Each one is true. I’ve presented some of these examples in the form of a journal. This isn’t merely a writer’s technique. I really kept a journal in the years leading up to and immediately following my divorce. How the journal developed is a story in itself.

At first I told myself I was keeping a journal because I would never remember all the incredible but true events I would need to remember if my divorce went to trial. I was right on both counts. We went to trial, and a large portion of my testimony focused on my future ex-wife’s alienating behavior. I wouldn’t have remembered a fraction of that behavior without the journal. I highly recommend keeping a journal to anyone who anticipates a nasty trial and child custody battle.

I also discovered that keeping a journal is good therapy. There were many times during my ordeal when I became frustrated or angry. My overwhelming desire at those times was to call someone, anyone, involved in my case and just start yelling. Writing down my frustrations rather than subjecting someone to them was a much better way to handle my emotions.

One day I was writing in my journal when the old journalist inside me re-emerged. I began thinking about parental alienation as a story that needed telling. I found myself editing my journal entries like a copy editor – shortening sentences, comparing verb tenses and double-checking facts. At that point I began not only writing for me but also for you.

Since I was writing for both of us, I had to make some decisions on your behalf. I edited the story heavily to keep the focus on alienation rather than divorce. I also grouped similar examples of alienating behavior together in the journal chapters to illustrate certain concepts better. Finally, I had to make a decision on the use of gender and pronouns when talking about parents and children.

I couldn’t write an entire book writing Mom or Dad, him or her, he or she, every time I referred to a parent. In some chapters I thought it was important to remain gender neutral in my references to the alienating parent. Despite my best efforts, you’ll notice how awkward the language became. So in other parts of the book I picked a gender for the alienating parent, the alienated parent and the alienated child and stuck with those choices. I also had to decide whether to discuss the alienated child in the singular “child” or the plural “children.” So in the pages that follow the alienating parent is generally described as female. The alienated parent is male. The alienated child is male and referred to in the singular rather than the plural.

To be honest, I didn’t spend much time considering alternatives. I am an alienated father, I was married to an alienating mother and my son is an alienated child. I tried not to confuse either of us by using one set of pronouns to tell my family’s story and another set of pronouns for generic references.

I sincerely apologize to all alienated Moms if I make it appear that only Dads are victims of parental alienation. Fathers successfully alienate children from mothers too. I’ve heard from many alienated mothers who are suffering the pain and heartache that only an alienated parent can know. I decided to title this book, A Family’s Heartbreak: A Parent’s Introduction to Parental Alienation, because Moms, Dads and children are victims of alienating behavior. In the final analysis, an alienating parent is an alienating parent – regardless of gender. If alienated mothers were to change all my male references to female references and vice versa, the examples and explanations of parental alienation would apply equally to them.

Another decision I had to make was whether to follow Dr. Richard Gardner’s lead and write about parental alienation as a syndrome, PAS, or focus on parental alienation behaviors. In this case I did spend a long time considering my decision.

I ultimately decided to drop “Syndrome” from all my parental alienation references because PAS isn’t in the DSM — the psychology profession’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. The manual is the clinician’s bible – a guide to symptoms and syndromes and the definitive diagnosis on any legitimate mental health condition.

PAS may not be in the DSM, but alienating behavior still inflicts pain, heartache and incalculable emotional damage on the children, parents and extended family members involved in these horrible situations. Parents on the receiving end of alienating behavior don’t really care if professionals classify the behavior as a syndrome or a bad alignment of the stars and planets. They just want someone to help them restore their previously normal, loving relationships with their children.

I believe one day mental health professionals will classify parental alienation as a “Syndrome.” Until then, I am quite comfortable writing about “parental alienation” as behavior and let others debate what to call this very destructive family dynamic. However, I did use the phrase “Parental Alienation Syndrome” or “PAS” in this book when I discussed or quoted other professionals who used the phrase in their work.

I didn’t plan on writing the definitive work on parental alienation and in that respect I’ve succeeded. Writers do their best work writing about their experiences. Not all alienation cases resemble my family’s story. An alienated parent needs to examine his or her own personal situation and consult with professionals before completely understanding the circumstances of his or her own case. But whether you are male or female, I hope this story helps you find some answers, comfort and solutions to your alienation nightmare.

I also hope you become outraged that parents alienate their children from the other parent. I hope you become further outraged that judges, attorneys and many mental health professionals consider the actions of an alienating parent just part of a normal day at the office when working divorce and child custody cases. I hope you recognize that parental alienation is a form of emotional child abuse that we can’t ignore any longer.

Most of all, I hope that this book, in some small way, helps alienated parents and children begin rebuilding their previously loving relationships.

By:Mike Jeffries

ABP World Group International Child Recovery Service

Visit our web site at: www.abpworld.com

[Via http://abpworld.wordpress.com]

My Source Of Inspiration...

… is not going to be a single one, naturally (and fortunately). But, one of them can certainly look like this:

That is right, I am talking about bright eyes here. And as long as they are shining, the world is continuing to exist.

The photograph however was not taken by me, it just stands symbolically since I do not publish my own very personal ones (at least not now). So, please take a note that this photo is originally taken from Flickr, and more explicit the user Michael Spear Hawkins. Yes indeed, children can be so enlightening and spirited, it is just a pleasure. But who knows if I will have own children one day, too…

And, I am obligated to say that I made three minor changes in editing the picture. First, I added a little contrast I brightness (please compare, only a little). Second, I added a little grey border (as you can see). Third, and that is the most interesting change, I changes the eye colour (a little more towards blue).

Of course, if anyone feels not right with that (of those who have the copyright – naturally), please inform me right away so I can remove the picture.

Greetings, and stay inspired, Ikarus

p.s. maybe I will publish some of my own pictures of 2009-2010 soon.

[Via http://ikarusvpn.wordpress.com]

The 50 Foot Snowball Launcher - new age canon to fire the ice

Do you remember playing paintball with your friends and getting scolded from your mom for making those clothes dirty with colors? This new device is the new aged gun which is not only much safer than paintball but its real fun too because now you can launch snowballs up to a distance of 50 feet, giving your enemy absolutely no time to think or run.

This cool toy canon “50 foot Snowball Launcher” which is here to destroy all your enemies by allowing long ranged and rapid assaults during a snowball war at your neighborhood. It’s powered by Elastomer and works on the sling shot mechanism to throw three perfectly spherical snowballs at a time, one by one, without being charged by batteries.

With a stylish frame, handle along with a proper sight alignment, sight picture and front sight focus, this is the perfect equipment for the hunter. The best thing about this gun is that it is made up of cold-withstanding plastic so that you can play throughout the day without breaking your gun. Its best for ages from 8 up to 17 but even the daddies and mommies can buy this for themselves if then want to play with their child or to bring back their old times when they used to throw snowballs on their friends. Its dimensions are 1/2″ L x 5 1/2″ W x 12″ H. (2 1/2 lbs.) It’s available for $29.95.

[Via http://amarmon.wordpress.com]

Our street is coming together

What a neat week. We had a ton of rain last weekend and our

neighbors’ basement had a foot of water in it. We’re all helping each other out. My next door neighbor, who has congestive heart failure and a real painful back condition, offered up her washer and dryer to the neighbors with the flooded basement. She is still helping people out even when she is having a real hard time.

Also cool is the budding friendship between my 2.5 yr old son and the elementary school-aged girl neighbor. Today they raked leaves n our back yard. She ended up having dinner with our family in the back yard (we cooked out).

[Via http://composerno2.wordpress.com]

The Paterson Weekend

What’s that saying about girls?  They’re full of sugar and spice and everything nice?  I think it should include giggles, bows, “hurrays” and Dora the Explorer.  Or at least it should for my niece.  The first time I saw her, she was just a babe…sleeping, crying, eating, those were her MOs.  Now, this little gal if full of life, beautiful, and a kick in the pants.  What a joy she is! 

 

I’m sure you noticed in my last post about Avery that her parents have some stunning blue eyes.  It is true that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

This is one of my favorites from our time.  Mike and his brother were playing “1, 2, 3!” with Avery.  Ah, I wish I was small enough to still play that game!  I love the angle on this pic, but most of all I love the sunlight!  Well no, most of all I love my niece in it, then the sunlight.  Family first, then photography. 

Yesterday was Avery’s 2nd Birthday.  That’s right, St. Paddy’s day.  Couldn’t be a better day for a Paterson!

[Via http://amberpatersonphotography.wordpress.com]

More Sewing - Crayon Roll

I recently tried my hand at crayon rolls. There are a ton of tutorials out there. I looked at tutorials from Skip To My Lou and Chocolate On Your Cranium. I decided to go with the tutorial from Skip To My Lou.

Here is the practice one that I made. It was pretty easy. I had a little trouble with the fabric shifting a little while sewing. I think I didn’t use enough pins. It was also a little touch to top stitch since the fabric as so thick, esp. in the corners. Yes, I did clip my corners.  I just sewed really slowly and used my hand crank. (Is that what it’s called? That wheel that’s on the side of your sewing maching?)

Here is the next one I made. It was for a birthday gift.  I know…I know…my sewing was a little crooked on the right hand edge.

Here it is filled with crayons. I’m loving it. It’s pretty fun to make.

Here is the crayon roll all tied up.  I think I’ll make the ribbon a little longer. I’ve seen some crayon rolls with elastic and button closures. I’ve also seen some variations with velcro. I kind of  like the velcro closure for children to open and close it independently.

I used an 8 pack of crayons for my crayon roll. Most tutorials use 16 packs. But for little ones I felt like 8 was enough. My Baby is always losing her crayons so I thought sticking to less means less to handle for them and less to find for us parents.

The crayon roll went with a little drawing pad and some other goodies as part of a birthday present for Baby’s BFF.

I have a bunch more crayon rolls to make. The other one I made I used ric rac on the edge. That wasn’t quite as easy. I’ll post those pics later. Other than that, it’s a pretty simple and fun sewing project.

I’m off now since I hear Baby fussing in her crib…calling “Mommy down!”

[Via http://confessionsofamiddleagedmom.wordpress.com]

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[Via http://20hoursclicktutors.wordpress.com]

Christians Involved In Sexual Scandals - Again and Again and Again

Christians are always concerned about the sexual lives of others and condemning others.  Funny, they condemn all types of sexual behaviors that are legal while they are taking part, IN LARGE NUMBERS, in ILLEGAL sexual acts.  Most of those crimes committed against children.

Don’t forget, we need you to send more money than usual to the Christian churches so that they can pay their legal bills and pay off others to hide the truth.   So lets help all Christians praise their God for creating child molesters (“I (God) created the wicked for the evil day”).  Send them money to hide their crimes and pretend it is not their fault or their God’s fault.  You know, the God that created child molesters like a potter forms clay for honor and dishonor….wait…didn’t their God say that?

Remember, in order for Christian religions to grow in our world and bring us their wonderful practices, you need to support your Republican politicians and send money.

It not only costs to pay those large legal bills but they need to pay off as many as possible to keep lots o fit hidden from public eyes and the law.

[Via http://truelogic.wordpress.com]

Spring

I am not a fan of Spring-Forward Sunday. For one thing, I’m pretty much a lazy person and when we’re off Daylight Saving Time and it starts to get dark at 5 or 6 at night, it’s quite easy to put the ol’ pajamas on and call it a day — literally – by 8 p.m. But when we’re in Daylight Saving Time, you’re sort of compelled to keep going until 10 p.m. or so. I mean, isn’t that why Daylight Saving Time was invented — so we’d have more time to do work? Whose bright idea was that???!!! And when I was a young mom, I dreaded the spring-forward time change that wreaked havoc with those lovely early bedtimes. However, now that I’m Grandma Ka-kee and treasure every moment I can spend with my almost-2-year-old grandson, Capt. Adorable, I say the more daylight, the better. That just gives me more playtime to hang out with the Captain in his backyard and his ultra-cool new playground equipment his mom and dad got him for an early birthday present. It’s got slides and a climbing wall and a fun underneath space for hiding. Plus, it offers the chance for scientific exploration, such as “Why has rainwater gathered in this little hole and I wonder what would happen if I put my finger in it?” And when it’s spring and nice weather, you can also have your  snack of yogurt-covered blueberries outside — definitely worth giving up an hour or two of sleep!

[Via http://cathylwood.wordpress.com]

No Kids

At 22 I had my tubes tied.  I had difficulty finding a doctor that would do it.  They were all convinced that I would change my mind and eventually want kids.  I am 31 years old and have never looked back.  I wish I could have had it done before I was 22.  I remember living in fear after every sexual encounter prior to my tubal ligation that I would become pregnant and be faced with a choice.  I have always been a pro-choice person, but imagining having to make the choice myself I couldn’t imagine what I would do.  Quite frankly, I didn’t want to find out.  I try to never say never, but I really don’t anticipate ever wanting children.

I don’t think that most people understand how a young woman could possibly go against what her body was made to do; produce offspring.  I completely respect the women that make the choice to be mothers and raise productive members of society.  I think it must be one of the most difficult jobs I can think of.  I just wanted different for myself.  I would feel trapped in a job that I wouldn’t love.  I think I am meant to affect more lives than just a few.  I think I am meant to do great things with my life.  Kids just aren’t a part of that plan.

[Via http://rawcommencement.wordpress.com]

Part Four...Wrapping it up

Start out simple and let your life dictate your journal, or as I like to say “your story”, will take you.  I suggest just picking up a plain journal and along with a good pen, keep it near your bedside.  Every night or every few nights, jot down what is going on in your life.  Share feelings of joy or maybe write down a concern or problem.  Keep it simple. You can write about personal experiences or what is going on it the world.  I wrote page after page about 9/11 and now, 8 years later I have all those feelings and memories preserved for my children to read. Jot down the weather, local or national news, a friends engagement, the movie you saw last night etc.  Here are a couple of examples:

• Today work sucked!  I was stuck in traffic, I missed lunch, I spilled coffee on my new skirt and Joe from Accounting is not taking the hint that I don’t want to “head out for drinks”!!

• Julie and I had the best time at dinner last night.  She thinks Don is going to propose and so do I.  I wonder if she will ask me to be the Maid of Honor.

• Tina came home from school today with all A’s on her report card!  We are so proud of her.  She really worked hard this semester and it paid off.  I am so blessed to have her as my daughter.

• Devastating Earthquake in Haiti strikes, killing thousands of innocent people. This is just so heartbreaking and sad.

• The weekend went by fast.  Plans for the baby shower coming along, the news continues to cover the tragedy in Haiti.  Some amazing survival stories have touched my heart. NOTE:  Joe in Accounting was transferred to the Cleveland office, thank goodness!

As time goes on, your journal writing will progress and take on a life of its own.  I know I have seen my writing style change many times over the last 16 years.  One thing I just added within the last few years is a list of the books I have read, their author and then I give the book a grade.  I also added a section, also in the back, for momentous occasions, such as births, deaths, weddings or significant life events.  This is a great way to keep track of special occasions and create a personal time line.

If typing is preferred to writing by hand then you can keep your journal online, however, be wary of sites offering online journals. I have not found one that I was personally comfortable with and would recommend. Be sure to do some checking on how secure the site is.

I would like to make one additional note about the contents of your journal. Remember that it is your story and all of us don’t have perfect fairy tale lives. It’s okay if you write that you sometimes want to throw yourself off a roof every time your mother criticizes your outfit or choice of boyfriends.   This only means you’re dysfunctional like the rest of us and I guarantee that when your kids read your “story” (which is also partly their story) they will applaud your honesty.

Most of all be sure to have fun with it.  Be creative, make it your own and use my ideas only as a guide to where your imagination takes you.  Now go on, start your story today because it will be treasured tomorrow.

[Via http://busybee921.wordpress.com]

U.S. Embassy donates Joan's books to schools

During my stay in Kingston, Jamaica, where I performed for the U.S. Embassy’s Blues on the Green Concert on February 26, 2010, I visited two primary schools: Linstead and Windwood Road, where I shared my books with several students ages 10-14. They sang songs from my book SONGS FOR MY CHILDREN, specifically, "Butterfly" and "Funky Monkey". I shared the stories of AMAZING MUSICWOMEN and the advice and guidance from my book SO, YOU WANT TO BE A SINGER? A manual for up-and-coming Divas, composers and musicians.

The U.S. Embassy purchased 16 of each book for a total of 48 books to donate to the two schools (8 each). This is such an honor for me and the music teacher at Windward Road Primary told me that she really appreciated my talking with the students about the business of music. She said she emphasized the business side of music and my talk was confirmation of what she’s been instilling in the students.

The concert was a blast. I performed with the Maurice Gordon Quartet and the Blues was just wonderful as the audience sang along with me to their delight and to mine, "Oh, Baby!" See photos at: www.joancartwright.com

I enjoyed the four days I spent on this island in the sun. The people were very friendly and the embassy staff took care of me, calling me "Diva" at every turn!

I was a guest of hosts Neville Bell and Simon Crosskill on the morning television show "Smile, Jamaica" and "CVM at Sunrise" with Miss Jamaica, who had attended one of our concerts in Lauderhill, Florida, in 2009. What a coincidence!

Links:

• Jamaica Observer
• The Gleaner

See all of my books:http://fyicomminc.com/books.html

[Via http://musicwoman.wordpress.com]

Morning Time

6am. Water and a waffle soothes the gnawing in my belly. A rhythm is set by the ticking of the old clock; the wide-eyed sleepy moon dial disappears as the smiling sun winks from beneath the circular brass plate.

 The early birds begin their whistling conversation. Someone stirs upstairs. A little body drops from the top bunk with a boom and the waking presence is marked by a flush.

I sit curled up in my favorite green chair, wrapped deep in a winter white wool blanket. I watch the dawning sky through the long panel of windows that open onto my back patio. It’s a simple sky today… muted greys and sleepy blues. The glossy leaves of the skip laurels bounce as birds flit on and off the dark branches. A little brown bird head twitches in nervous jerks– peering in the window at me.

The light rises. My eyes rest on the dozen fingerprints marring the windows. Little hands and noses have left marks on the glass. I contemplate the location of the Windex. Under the sink? In the laundry room?

The fingerprints make me smile. The dancing bushes and rising light settle me firmly into this March morning. The center of me solidifies, and I breathe in the life that is mine.

Pen down. Legs unfolded. Blanket discarded. The list of this day tumbles out in hours upon hours of teaching and smiling and rehearsing in front of me. Wake up lazy, lazy one. There are eggs to scramble and lunches to make and sleepy nighttime dreams to consider.

[Via http://christytallamy.wordpress.com]

Frustrating ADHD Day!

Today was very frustrating.  My son, Austin, came home from school with yet another detention.  This poor child has ADHD.  He is not a neuro-typical child.  Yet, he is being treated like one.  When too much is expected from him he acts out and gets frustrated. And, his teachers don’t understand why he is doing this. 

 I am not trying to make excuses for my son.  Nor, am I excusing his behaviors.  I will be the first one to dole out proper discipline and I require that of other authority figures in regards to my son.  However, Austin is not a neuro-typical child.  He has a neurological disorder that requires some accommodations.  Yes, he should be treated as much like a neuro-typical child but, he needs to be given certain accommodations as discretely as possible.

Here is a prime example of what I’m talking about…

Austin had a spelling packet that was due today.  The whole class had a week in which to finish this packet.  With him forgetting to bring it home, not enough time during school, and becoming distracted; he still managed to finish the packet.  Or, so he thought.  When it was time to hand in the packet, a student that sits next to him was kind enough to tell him to check it over to ensure that it was done.  So, that’s exactly what he did.  While going through the packet, he realized that he had missed two questions.  It only makes sense that he would answer those two questions.  However, as he did this, his teacher came around to check on each student and ask if they had their packet done.  When asked, the student must tell the teacher whether their packet is done or not done.

When the teacher got to Austin, he was finishing the two questions that he had overlooked.  And the operative word here is overlooked.  In his mind, he had finished the packet and he was very proud of himself.  Unfortunately, that pride was shot down immediately.  His teacher emailed me later that day and told me that she saw him write two answers but Austin still insisted that he had finished the packet.  In his mind, not a neuro-typical mind, he had finished the packet.  And, on top of that, he had finished it on time.  This was an amazing feat for him.  He believed that he had finished the packet.  But he had merely overlooked two questions.  It wasn’t done on purpose.  It wasn’t done out spite.  He had simply overlooked two questions.  I explained this to him and told him how proud I am of him.  That made him smile and I got a big hug out of too!  That, in turn, made me smile.

Needless to say, but I’m going to say it anyway, I’m headed to school first thing in the morning and try to work this thing out.  Austin needs an IEP (individualized education plan).  He needs to have sensory breaks.  He needs to be treated like everyone else as much as possible.  But, when it comes to him having to take a sensory break, it needs to be treated as discreetly as possible.  He never asked to be born with this disorder.  He’s dealing with it the best he knows how to and I’m very proud of him!

[Via http://fingerprintglasses.wordpress.com]

Delaying Gratification: The M&M test

It was 1995 under the Mexican sun and I was reading Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goalman in between a dip in the sea and a delicious grilled chicken or quesadilla snack at the beach bar.  That book was quite thick and had loads of stuff in it but I do remember this one passage pretty distinctively : a researcher had placed some chocolate in front of kids and told them that if they waited until he’d come back, they’d receive double the amount of chocolate.  If they ate it before he’d come back, then they wouldn’t get anymore.   A later study showed that those who were able to wait until the adult came back into the room did better as adults.  Interesting study.

Now the thing I’ve never seen was what does it look like when kids are in the room on their own, with the treat in front of them.  Oh how entertaining this is!!  Have a look!

[Via http://worldtodiscover.wordpress.com]

A future for independent bookstores - A. Bitterman speaks

A. Bitterman - children's literature curmudgeon

My friend Pete Cowdin runs one of the best children’s book stores in the country, the Reading Reptile, in Kansas City. He’s smart and funny, and obviously a little weird, since he’s a big enough fool to run an independent bookstore (and for children no less) in these days of the uncertainty of marketing the printed word. I walk in that store and it’s like a liberated zone – things slightly askew, more like his family’s living room (which is very askew) than a business. Pete’s my go-to guy about good books for kids – he was onto Harry Potter before Scholastic picked it up, knew Lemony Snicket was going to be a big hit, and suggested Rick Riordan’s series to me years ago, long before anyone thought about making a movie about Percy Jackson.

Pete’s alter ego is a curmedgeon named A. Bitterman, and he looks at the world with a jaded eye. I recently got a piece from Pete (or Mr. Bitterman? Hard to tell sometimes…) about the future of bookstores and I asked him if I could put it up here. Long for a blog, but worth the read.

If you like it, or think about this stuff (I do), then there’s an interesting article in the New York Review of Books by Jason Epstein, who started the Library of America series, on the future of books, Publishing: The Revolutionary Future.

DIGITAL BURN: the Remaking of the Independent Bookseller

by A. Bitterman, Feb. 2010

“But before I let your steam drill beat me down, I’d die with a hammer in my hand, lord, lord. I’d die with a hammer in my hand…”

Nearly 20 years ago, publishing companies made a decision to tilt the scales of supply and demand knowing full well that in the process they would devastate the independent bookselling industry for years to come. Maybe even destroy it. The promise of unprecedented profits was too much to ignore.

In order to endorse and sustain the superstore model put forth by companies like Borders and Barnes & Noble, publishers employed a strategy of over-production in order to supply enough books to cover the miles and miles of new book shelves that far exceeded actual customer demand.

To make it work, publishers needed to establish an asymmetric retail environment that would function as a safety net to capture the inevitably large returns that would result from over-supplying the big box stores.

This meant creating a new kind of bargain book market that would not only offer breathtaking discounts on out-of-print remainders but on new books as well, books that were over-printed and were still being sold at the cover price in most of the traditional independent retail outlets.

The coincident emergence of online retailing helped fuel publisher confidence in the new model. Independents were caught in a death grip, wedged between the superstore and the bargain book, an unsustainable position that immediately rendered them old-fashioned, inconvenient, and over-priced in the public’s mind.

Obediently, independent booksellers pitted themselves against the superstore, in many cases because they really thought that was the enemy, but ultimately because they had no choice. How could they assail the real enemy, the publishers – their masters – who supplied them, extended credit to them, sent authors to them?

What was once a legitimate playing field for independent booksellers became a plantation almost overnight. Publishers no longer needed them and if they were to survive it would be by their own sheer grit and determination, nothing more or less. The master looked away while thousands perished.

Between 1993 and 2003, the number of independent book retailers diminished by more than half, and their consumer market share dwindled from 30+% to less than 10%. The downward trend continues, albeit more slowly, accompanied by the sound of fingernails dragging across loose rock.

But there is hope on the horizon for the independent bookseller, and it comes in a strange and perhaps unexpected form – the e-book.

Reflexively, independent booksellers by and large view the digital book as a threat not just to their livelihood but to the legacy of which they perceive themselves a vital part. It is an affront to what they have been fighting for and dying for all along.

Unlike chain stores and online retailers, independent booksellers have a sensual relationship with their product. They like real books – the way they feel, the way they smell, the way they fit in your hand. They like the history that an actual book possesses, even a bad one. A digital book has no inherent sensual value. It is like the difference between going to a baseball game and watching the game day version on your computer. There is no comparison, and the hot dogs will never taste the same.

Nonetheless, independent booksellers should be rooting for electronic media. Their survival may depend on it.

The digital book has rapidly become a source of both profit and high anxiety in recent years for all sectors of the publishing industry. With Google attempting to digitize the universe and e-book platforms multiplying seemingly day-by-day, digital piracy plagues the publishers to the tune of a billion dollars a year.

With that kind of hemorrhaging, publishers can no longer afford to accommodate the price wars they instigated back in the 90’s with printed matter. There is no safety net with digital media. It’s a high wire act with high stakes. And with no net there is no room for error when it comes to the bottom line.

With this in mind, Macmillan Publishers, with the support of their counterparts in “the big six”, recently fired a shot across the bow by fixing prices on their electronic media so that vendors like Amazon.com would no longer be able to slash prices and undercut their competitors. This way, publishers can ensure maximum returns regardless of their distribution outlet.

In response, Amazon issued one of the most brilliantly absurd statements in the history of public relations: “Macmillan has a monopoly over its own titles.” Which is like saying Coke has a monopoly over Coke products, or that Jesus has a monopoly over his disciples. It would be funny if it wasn’t so telling of the sort of delusional thinking that has come into fashion, particularly among online retailers and their consumers, that everything is for the taking and that nothing, including provenance, is above the market.

In any case, while industry insiders spin the Macmillan incident as a shift in power from distributors to content providers, what this really means to traditional booksellers is that publishers are finally feeling the edges of their superstore model and it’s about to bite them in the ass. They’re afraid of the what’s coming. It may have taken 20+ years, but the independent bookseller may yet be rewarded for its tenacity.

As digital media proliferates, the market share for printed material will naturally decrease over time, rendering the superstore model ineffective. It’s already happening, with Borders on life support (and no hope of recovering) and Barnes and Noble trending flat on in-store sales. One can reasonably expect to see Barnes and Noble reining in and streamlining its bricks and mortar operations in the coming years, (boasting efficiency and a new kind of “knowledge & service” that makes their new smaller stores superior to their behemoth ancestors,) and turning its attention more fully to its online retail efforts.

This will open more markets for independents already on the ground. Specialty stores will become more viable. As the weight shifts to the e-book, publishers may well choose to fix prices on printed books as well in order to protect profits in both sectors. This too will help independents gain advantage in what remains of the printed book market.

It’s worth noting here that several countries in Europe have always required fixed pricing on printed books and that the result has been the coexistence of a thriving independent bookselling industry alongside a healthy online and chain store market.

Historically, America has resisted market controls like fixed pricing because, well, it’s unAmerican. Our entire notion of freedom and progress derives from a slavish belief in free markets. We would rather see John Henry die with a hammer in his hand, and hold him up as a hero, than make room for both him and the steam drill. It’s a pathology that constantly pits old against new, and allows us to believe that the future is inevitable in whatever form it takes. We know deep down that this is not really the case because radio didn’t die with the advent of television, nor did home video replace the movie house, and bicycles are still being manufactured.

The notion that digital and printed media are mutually exclusive is a mythology better left alone. What’s really happening now is that e-books are giving new life to the printed word. Fewer and better books will be brought to press. New markets will open as the superstores retract. Small retailers will rise up and in turn provide new opportunities for publishers to really diversify their product in ways not seen for over a decade.

The temptation to engage digital media as the enemy is self-defeating. History need not be repeated. John Henry need not die. For independent booksellers, now is the time for a quiet smile and a pat on the back as publishers are forced to come to terms with the monster in the (big) box.

[Via http://billharley.wordpress.com]

List of Cloths Online Stores

List of  Cloth Stores: Here i would like give you list of online stores for cloths/Apparel for Children’s,  Men’s and Women’s.

Catch all online clothing stores coupons @ show coupon codes

Women’s cloth/Apparel stores:

Big Feet

Blue Bee

Boutique To You

ChicStar.com

Crave Maternity

Designers Imports

eModa.com – Designer Clothing

Genetic Denim

House of Brides – World’s Largest Online Wedding Store

Junonia Plus Size Activewear for Women

K. Jordan

Kaneesha.com

Michael Stars

My Nursing Uniforms

MyShape.com

NOVICA

Portero

Shopgoldyn.com

Singer22

Swimsuitsforall.com

Tilly’s

Womensuits.com

[Via http://cloths4less.wordpress.com]

Oscar Buzz

So the Academy Awards are this weekend, and I’m personally looking forward to them.  I think some really great moments are in store.  I haven’t seen all the Best Picture nominated films yet but I have seen a few of them.  I’m hoping that I’ll get the time to watch the rest soon.  I recently watched An Education, and after being slow to warm to it, actually enjoyed it and found it captured my attention from about 20 minutes into it until the end.  The story follows a 16 year old girl who meets a wealthy, older English gentleman in Britain in the 1960’s.  As a teacher I enjoyed the battle the main character faced in deciding whether she would pursue the academic life or follow her heart.  The film made me very grateful that I live in a time where women are no longer forced to decide between an education and a love life and family.   When confronted with the final decision, the Jenny is confronted by her headmistress.  She argues that she does not want to be one of the bored members of British society who have a degree.  She tells the headmistress that, “It’s not enough to educate us anymore Ms. Walters, you’ve got to tell us why you’re doing it”.  The crisis that this young woman goes through is extremely compelling, and I found that I felt nervous throughout the film.  The importance of an education and of love and fun were constantly debated, and the fear Jenny felt was palpable through the entire movie.

Earlier today I viewed another one the Best Picture nominated films, Up in the Air.  Starring George Clooney and Anna Kendrick, this film was extremely existentialist.  We as viewers were transported into the world and mind of Ryan Bingham, a “suit” who calls airports his home.  Similarly to An Education the film is based on a personal struggle.  Ryan must decide between continuing a solitary life and starting a family.  I will not give away the end of the movie.  I found that it was extremely powerful, and once again I was caught up in the story.  Unlike An Education, Up in the Air had me transfixed from the beginning.  I thought the idea was original, compelling, and well implemented.  I also enjoyed the fact that the entire movie was not serious and gloomy, but incorporated humour and love.

I would highly recommend both of these movies, as well as the other nominated films I have seen, Precious and Up.  I am in complete agreement with the Academy in terms of these choices, and I wish all the nominees luck on Sunday.  I know I`ll be watching!

[Via http://teachthemteachmyself.wordpress.com]

Parental Advisory

A little while back, my father told me about something he witnessed while at a basketball game with my little brother (who was playing). There was another boy on my brother’s team who reportedly wasn’t playing hard enough defense or not passing or whatever. His mother, who was sitting in the stands watching, called that out to him. She told him to push harder, and in response, the boy gave his mother the middle finger. Neither the mother or father (who was also there) did anything about this. I, on the other hand, would shortly afterwards be on trial for assault and battery against a minor*, but this article at the Huffington Post says I would be wrong.

The article by Ellen Galinsky, about preventing aggression in children and refraining from responding to aggression with aggression, says that you have to show physical affection (hugs and pats on the head and s&%t), have to be vested in whatever your child is trying to do with themselves, reward them for their achievements.

I think any realistic person will say that raising a child has to be a mixture of love and discipline, serving the child but at the same time mentally and emotionally strengthening them to stand on their own, or to be civil and respectful people rather. Being warm and sympathetic and hippie to your child 24/7 fails to teach that child any kind of respect for anything, since their will is unhindered by any kind of discipline for destroying things or taking them or corrupting them in some sort of way or fashion. But also, you can’t completely invade your children’s will and thought. You must teach them to be able to assess decisions for themselves.

You shielding your children, keeping them ignorant and in fear of losing your love if they don’t follow your rules seems to me like a display of your own fear. Perhaps, for some parents, it’s easier to keep their children in the world of things they know themselves. They have not fully inspected or have come to understand the world, and so, are not fully aware of what will or will not hurt their child. But perhaps your child can teach you things; can come to understand things about the world that you would not perceive from your viewpoint.

I watched an episode of a reality show called “The World’s Strictest Parents”, where two kids, a constant martini-drinking and cigarette smoking girl and a cursing, disrespectful gay teenage boy from England flew to the American Deep South to live with two extremely conservative Christian parents. After the first hour or so that the Brits came into the house, there was sharp tension. The Christian father, who was strict on inspecting every piece of media, from songs on their children’s iPod’s to the T.V. shows they watched to the detail of every turn and stop their children made when out driving the car, went through the British boy’s bag and looked all through the pictures of his camera. Of course, the boy voiced his rebellious opinion about this, and all the father would say is that in their house they have strict rules about what content is there and what isn’t (the mother said that if she listened to a song on her children’s iPod during “inspection” and heard just one word she didn’t like, she would delete the song).

I’m not a parent nor a child psychologist or professional, but I am always a proponent of the belief that good ideas about subject come from brainstorming as well as the hands-on approach. And in some situations, a solution to a problem becomes obvious to both sides. The two teenagers were reckless brats and the parents would’ve been great Nazis during World War II. The personalities don’t have to crash together like this, because that seems to be about conflict. And I think to prevent this, there has to be understanding and civility between the parent and child. The child should respect the authority of the household, but the child should also have an opinion in things.

*I joke, but I’m trying to say that there would have been some severe disciplining for that.

[Via http://transcendanxiety.wordpress.com]

Previous Jon Venables claims denied

From the Daily Mail: Claims that he was involved in a fight with a colleague and had a long-standing drink and drugs problem have been dismissed.

Privately, sources have described the reason for his recall as ’shocking’, prompting speculation that Venables may have been violent towards a child or woman.

The reason is thought to be so serious that it is unlikely he will even be considered for release for at least a year.

The Daily Mail is denying claims from “private sources” that say Jon got into a fight and has a drug problem. So why should we believe their own “private sources”?

[Via http://charleyross.wordpress.com]

Habit and the Philosophers

At first a person is like a child in the womb, “living from hand to mouth”.  They are warm and safe; they are blind grubs.  It is easy to remain in the womb.  It is soft.  There is no need to think about what might be outside the womb.  The children in the womb (it is a very large womb) squabble amongst themselves occasionally about who is what, and who gets what.  But they do not ask, “What else?”

You will be pleased to learn that some of them do grow dissatisfied with the dull comfort the womb offers.  They wriggle and kick and are painfully pushed out into the cold.  They scream as their world expands infinitely.  Most of them curl up in denial of the knowledge they have gained, frightened by the vastness and complexity of puzzles they cannot solve.

Others will attempt to walk around; they are content to ponder and perhaps admire what they cannot understand.  These are the philosophers.  They will try to talk to the children in the womb, but it is difficult because the children are so warm and sleepy that they do not pay much attention.  So the philosophers wander lonely by themselves, rarely meeting each other.

Often a philosopher will think that they has met another of their kind, and will talk to them.  But almost as often, the other will take offence or take fright and curl up, making his own little womb around themselves, and the philosopher will walk on in disappointment, and sometimes disgust.

From time to time the philosophers pay a visit to the mother of the children.  Her name is Habit.  The philosophers ask her why she keeps rearing her children in this way.  She cannot explain; she merely repeats words like “order”, “truth”, “good”, “love” and “nature” until she is blue in the face and the babies are fast asleep.  This frustrates the philosophers no end.

–None of you know what you are talking about! they say.

They tell Habit that it is not natural for her to keep the babies cooped up inside her like this.  It is not healthy.  The babies can’t grow.

–On the contrary, Habit replies, it is very healthy, and very natural.  As for their size, this a good size for babies to be.  They won’t be pushed out because their heads are small and that keeps their dreams small.  You people have itchy feet; I am still sore from where you kicked me.

–Even so, say the philosophers, we believe that you are doing the children an injustice.

–They are my children, says Habit, and I know what is best for them.  You may be “philosophers” but to me you are just troublesome children, and you are giving all the good children bad dreams with your talk.  Do you want them to beunhappy?

–No, they say, but we want them to realise that there is more than you.

–What’s wrong with me? Habit scowls.  Amn’t I good enough for you?

–You are very good, they say, but you are only the beginning.  Beginnings can’t last forever.

The children sleep on; they think Mother knows best.

—

Written in autumn 2008 for Theory of Knowledge class.

[Via http://livferg.wordpress.com]

Don’t Qualify for Medicaid? The Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP and Healthy Families)

If you are struggling to get health insurance for your children but don’t qualify for Medicaid, you should also try the Children’s Health Insurance Program, usually abbreviated at “CHIP.” The Children’s Health Insurance Program was previously known as the State Children’s Health Insurance Program (SCHIP).

The Children’s Health Insurance Program is a program administered by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services which distributes matching funds to the states to provide affordable health insurance to uninsured children. The CHIP program is designed to help children in low-income families who do not qualify for Medicaid who cannot afford or otherwise get private health insurance.

CHIP programs typically provide affordable comprehensive health insurance coverage for medical, dental and vision services, including check-ups, doctor’s visits, dental cleanings and fillings, prescription drugs, vaccines, hospital care, and eyes exams and glasses.

Every state has a CHIP program to assist children without health insurance, and eligibility rules vary by state within broad federal guidelines for the program. In addition to children, some states have received authority through waivers of statutory provisions to use CHIP funds to provide affordable health insurance coverage to the parents of children receiving benefits from both CHIP and Medicaid, pregnant women, and other adults. Please note that in some states the CHIP program is known as “Healthy Families.”

If you are interested in learning more about the CHIP program, visit the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services here: Department of Health and Human Services CHIP Page.

For more on related topics, visit us at MyHealthCafe.com at:

Medicaid-What is It?

Medicare Basics-What is it and Who Does it Cover?

Medicare Part D-The Basics

[Via http://myhealthcafe.wordpress.com]

Alice in Wonderland (or Joanne in Wonderland)

(no copyright infringement intended)

March 4…. wahoooo…. I cannot wait, really… This is one fairy tale (fantasy) whom I have been following around ever since I am a child. So, having its new version with high-end technology, the film seems to be wrapped in its own form, going beyond the borders of my imagination…

Wow… So to share, I am watching this definitely in 3D!!!! and all the other “D’s” available in the world. hahahaha

[Via http://jcmanliclic.wordpress.com]

Two Months Old

Faustina’s biggest change from last month is that she is much more interactive now.  She loves being talked to, and will readily smile and coo at anyone who gives her attention, even down to the other little ones, like Regina and Teresa.  She has also much improved in her ability to take in what is going on around her. This is where it really comes in handy having older siblings:  she now can enjoy spending some time sitting in her seat and watching the others play.  Another change she has made that has made her a little easier to take care of is that of consolidating her naps, taking fewer and longer naps than she was before.  Beyond these things there has not been a whole lot of change.  These early months are generally pretty quiet as far as outward development goes, though of course there is a lot going on inside.

It would have been appropriate to add a smiley picture of Faustina here, but unfortunately she has spent the last two days being uncharacteristically grumpy.  Rather than put in a grumpy picture, I’ll come back later and put in a nice one after she has returned to her cheerful self.

[Via http://hausofholmes.wordpress.com]