I'm Thankful for Our Kids

Today is once again Thankful Thursday.  I think it’s so important to remember to be thankful.  I know we shouldn’t have to remind ourselves to be thankful.  But I think it’s necessary.  I believe we should wake up every single day and start the day by telling God all the things we are thankful for.  I, myself, do not always remember to do that.  But that is my goal. 

I’m going to try my best to remember to say thanks to God for everything I’m thankful for, the minute I open my eyes in the morning.  Another idea is to start a Journal of Thanks.  And just fill it each day with all the things you are thankful for.

Today (and really everyday) I’m thankful for our kids.  My daughter is about to turn 7 and is in first grade, and my step son is 12 and is in 6th grade this year.  It is his first year in middle school.  Which of course brings a lot of changes.

They are great kids.  They have good hearts and are learning a lot about the Bible ,and how to have a relationship with God.  We try to teach them about God as much as we can, and how to apply it to their day-to-day life. 

Being a parent is one of the greatest and hardest roles all wrapped into one.  Raising children can be extremely challenging at times.  Sometimes more than others.  And you just hope you are doing the right thing.  But it can also be such a joy when you see them make the right decisions.  When they tell you they read something in the Bible, or that they helped out a friend, or they want to join a Bible study, or they helped out at school, or they want to give their allowance money to people who need it more…….you just feel so proud of these human beings you are responsible for.  As they get older I know we will have many more challenging times, but just as many, if not more,  joyous and proud times.

It’s the hard things in life that bring so much joy.  The relationships we put the most investment in ,and work at the hardest, are the most rewarding. 

So, today I am thankful that God gave me the opportunity to have two children in this lifetime.   Those two kids are a gift that I will forever cherish.   I take my role as a mother very seriously, yet I want to have a lot of fun in the process.  I want my kids to know the truth about God, to have a loving relationship with God, and to know they have parents that love them and want the best for them.  I also want them to remember how much we laughed together.

Thank you Lord for trusting me with these kids.  I won’t let you down.

It's the Small Things

Sometimes… the wall cracks. It is in the small things. Then you feel the pain… then the tears come. Then the heart responds and the souls cries. It’s in the small things.

We had two “small things” yesterday during our trip.  The first one came through the very kind pediatrician who worked with us- who is new to food allergy and is at Duke training.  Asher received his first flu shot ever. This is a testimony to his improved egg allergy! He passed the skin test to the vaccine and then was ready for the shot. Last year- Asher contracted influenza. After that experience and the consequent fear and worry: I was ready and willing to risk the flu shot this year.

Anyway–

after Asher had already been through two separate rounds of skin pricks to different things… it was time for the shot. He took one look at the vaccine needle and shouted, “Bring a smaller one! Get a smaller needle!” and then burst into hysterical tears. After attempting to give the injection- the pediatrician looked me in the eye and said,”I’ll be back. I’m going to get a smaller needle.” And then he left. And when he came back- he came with a smaller needle. Visibly smaller. He went to get a smaller needle for my frightened son. It’s the small things.

The second incident occurred during the yearly blood draw. Back in PA- we worked really hard to find a person who could draw a young child’s (one year old, two year old, three year old) blood well. It was still hard even though the gentleman was great. It took a little while here- where we live- to find our comfort zone- we finally did… but now– that blood draw occurs at Duke.

Last year was–   horrible.

I was dreading it.

I wanted Todd to be there for this year. I thought Asher would do better.

However, that wasn’t meant to be. I steeled myself against the pain. The wall was up. The hardness was there. We went in for the blood draw. The lady cheerfully greeted us. Within one second- she had Asher seated in the chair- of his own accord- totally, perfectly, completely at ease. It was the best blood draw he has EVER had. She was awesome. I cried. She showed us her little girl- pictured on a tag around her neck. She said,” This is my little girl. She comes here once a month to have this done- just like you are. She had a liver transplant last year. She is doing awesome. They just check her levels.”  Asher picked his bandage. And off we went- with me, in tears, thanking her. She just smiled- a knowing smile, nodding her head- and saying “Thank you” in a sweet, confident way in response to my amazed praise. 

The pain seeped in.

And  I realized… that it is in the small things… the little acts of extra kindness- that can make the path a little easier- even a little gentler- and crack that hard wall in just the right places. It felt like mercy.

Thank You, God.

Some day- maybe I’ll share about the pain I felt there- for the other children. But not today.

For today- we are waiting on those results. Trusting the Lord with Asher, our family and eggs.  Will it be this year?? Only the Lord knows- but if  not- it is okay- and we will just “walk on” that path He has laid in front of us- hopefully with grace, hopefullywith strength, hopefully with dignity.

Thankful for mercy

 

Essential Potty Training Items

Things you can’t do without when potty training

1)  A Potty – The Baby Bjorn Potty Chair is good because it’s comfortable – the cheapest I can find it for  is £16.99 from Boots (comes in a variety of colours)

Or there’s always the Fisher-Price My Potty Friend. This all singing, all dancing potty is the King of Potties! It’s £32.99 on Amazon.

2) Trainer seat

The First Years Soft Toilet Trainer Seat £14.50 from John Lewis is great because is has handles, ideal for younger ones to help them balance.

3) Portable Potty – essential when you are going out.

The Tommee Tippee Portable Potette Plus and liners £13.49 from Amazon

This product is fantastic. Not only can it be used as a portable potty, the legs fold out and it can become a trainer seat to go on top of a loo too. Why didn’t I come up with that idea???

4) Supply of wipes – e.g. Pampers Kandoo Sensitive Flushable wipes

Miltons wipes are also useful to clean the portable potty seat if you’re out an about.

5) Supply of underwear

Pure Cotton Heart Print girls briefs, £2 for 5 from Marks and Spencer

Primark also do 7 pairs for £2.

I bought training pants and Pampers Pull Ups Feel and Learn nappies but didn’t need to use them.

6) Leggings/Tracksuit Bottoms – they are easy to pull up/down in a hurry and you can change your child in minutes if they have any accidents.

7) Nappy bags – to wrap clothes in for accidents

Several changes of clothes when you go out - you never know when you’ll need them.

9) A supply of treats!

Because that's just the kind of blogger I am

I have a few things to share with you. I think these things might be enlightening to you. I know they will come in handy someday. Maybe soon. And I do this as a public service, because that’s just the kind of blogger I am. (And it’s an easy way to piece together totally unrelated information and make it into a pseudo-cohesive post.)

So without further ado (I know there was plenty of ado above, sorry.) here’s some highly useful information. Just for you.

~ If, in the mall parking lot, your son tells you “look at the bees on that car” by all means, look. Because there might be 50 some bees congregating on the little hatchback on your passenger side and you most certainly do not want to let your children out on that side.

~ If your daughter claims “We played mom and babies at recess.  They always ask me to be the mom at recess. I don’t know why.” What is probably happening is the exact opposite, and you will never be able to prove otherwise.

~ If your daughter gets a 12 inch long crazy curly straw from her teacher do not let her use it in a 4 inch tall cup. Her milk will very likely end up on her lap, on the kitchen floor and running down your back. I don’t know how, but it happens.

~ The above scenario will happen only after an older daughter has attempted the old “drinking while walking” trick in the same stretch of the kitchen floor and failed.  Miserably.

~ If your husband sees a flock of resting seagulls on the mall parking lot and says to your son ”Hey, Garrett, watch this” and proceeds to drive directly at the targets and cause much flapping, squawking and scattering, the boy will learn.  He will be on flocks of resting birds like white on rice.  If the white runs after the rice hollering and waving its arms.

~ If you do not hear from a nearly 17 month old child for five minutes and then hear a faint knocking?  Go check it out immediately.  Before all feminine hygiene products are strewn about the bathroom floor.  And WAY before they have made their way into the toilet.  I barely made that last rescue.

~ Do not ever say “It’s been a busy week but I have nothing on the calendar for next week.”  That’s a sure-fire way to get phone calls and reminders of things you forgot you had to do.

~ Do not allow your sisters to use up the free apples and make scads of sauce without you because you will then be left alone to make your own applesauce.  And most likely you’ll be on your own for next year too, since they made so stinkin’ much sauce.  Sniff, sniff.

~ Do not ask yes and no questions of your teenager who has just returned from volleyball practice.  She will barely be able to answer until she has devoured her meatloaf and potatoes.  Only after food will information be forthcoming.

~ Do not become smug after filling your freezer with many dinners.  Your family is growing and eating and eating and eating and not leaving a single morsel of leftovers.  Those frozen meals will be gone sooner than you think.

~ If your son gets a fireman hat from the library backpack bag that you had to pay a dollar to rent, under NO circumstances let him wear that hat while going to the bathroom.  NO CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER!!  Fireman hats are prone to tipping off when little boys bend their heads forward.

SEVEN DAYS AND SEVEN NIGHTS

Iranian fairy tales don’t end with “and they lived happily ever after.” Instead, as the happy heroine and hero of the fable get married after killing giants, battling evil step-mothers etc, the stories typically end “and they partied for seven days and seven nights.” Meanwhile, the bad guys- the wicked step-mother and step-sister, have their hair tied to the tail of a wild horse, which is then let loose in the desert beyond the town. That is the equivalent of Snow White’s step-mother being forced to danced in red-hot shoes until she dies in front of the blissful newly-weds, which is what happens in the unpasteurized, un-Disneyfied version.

Anyway, these days are the days of the princess`s birthday. I say days, because it feels we have been involved in this birthday for much more than seven days and seven nights. Since -when- mid August? late July? the princess has been talking about her birthday: who she will invite, what she will wear, presents, decorations, treat bags, making my head spin and the world appear a menacing, dark place full of screaming little girls in pink frilly dresses eating cake and spilling pop on my beautiful Persian carpets, while the golden boy tries to pull their hair and punch them.  

Last month, we were in a stationary shop, and the princess fell in love with a big, beautiful wooden easel- the kind which artists use to prop up their works. She was consumed with the desire to posses, and I struck what seemed to be a very clever bargain with her: I would buy her the easel ($80, if you please) as a very expensive birthday gift, and in return, no birthday parties. On the night of the birthday itself, we would dine at a fancy restaurant. The princess agreed, the easel was bought, and everyone was happy.

However, less than a week after, the birthday-party pressure group was revitalized. Just a small birthday, only five people. Only four. Only three. Only two. Just a cake, no supper. Just an ordinary playdate, except could we have cake instead of milk and cookies? Just a playdate, only with four people instead of one. Ok, just one person, but then can we have decorations and treat bags?

Then, she caught sight of the Halloween costume of her dreams, full of black lace and purple satin, with sparkly lights in the skirt and black cats in the bodice. The dress. The world became the dress. She wanted the dress. No birthday parties, no talk about the birthday parties, if only she could have the dress. Another bargain was struck, and dress came home. There was no talk of a birthday party for about two hours.

Then, the phone calls began. Little girls who talked to me with the assurance of an elderly government officer. ”So what time is the princess’s birthday tomorrow? Have you invited so-and-so? I have their phone number, if you need it.”

Now, we are going shopping. To buy cake and snacks and decorations and treat bags. It is the princess’s birthday, this afternoon.

Divorce and "your" kids!

As an attorney who does divorces, it troubles me to see how people manipulate their kids, for their own personal gain. I have gotten so cold and to the point with my clients that I wonder if I’m at attorney, or a therapist. If I have to listen to one more person, male or female, tell me they want to deny visitation to the other parent because their “child” does not like the other parents significant other, I may just call children’s services on them myself.

What ever happened to keeping your kids sheltered, and protected from your grown-up crap. What ever happened to just telling your kids how great the other parent is? If only for the child’s own self-esteem and feeling of self-worth. No one seems to realize that by using their kids to exact revenge on the other parent, because of adultery, abandonment, or any of the long list of reasons for divorce, all they are doing is mentally damaging that child. Children are not equipped to deal with the same level of emotional turmoil as adults. Their life experiences and emotional intelligence has not matured to a place where they are able to process to much distress. So all you’re doing by involving children in grown-up conflicts is setting the stage for them to act out in other areas.

As a criminal defense attorney as well, I often wonder why my defendant’s are getting so young. Adult charges for juveniles is on the rise in every state. Additionally, the economy is tanking and the divorce rate is sky-rocketing. Is anyone seeing to the children? Or, are we all just too self-absorbed into the decreasing nature of our financial portfolio and trying desperately to decrease expenses. But, at the expense of the children? Perhaps as people decide how economically feasible it is to maintain a family, home, cars and college expenses, or to just opt to pay support and move on, we should all think about the children. Their crimes are becoming more violent and their hearts are getting more hardened every year. They know way too much. No, correction, they think they know way too much, because they are being forced to listen to grown-up conversations and help grown-ups deal with their problems. When in all reality, it should be the other way around.

I am 40-ish, and I distinctly remember my parents telling me that a child should stay in a child’s place. My only job was to do homework and get good grades. When I failed at that, I was punished. Life was simple back then; school, sports, boys and what’s for dinner. Unfortunately, many kids have no dinner waiting, their too fat for sports and they are consistently dropping out of school. I wonder why? Parents, or the lack there of, “responsible parents”. Children are raising themselves and making up their own rules, that’s why they eat so much crap, stay-up all night, miss school, have no respect, no clue and do lots of drugs.

Once again, there is nothing to be said, or done about couples breaking up and unable to stay together. But, by all means, try to make your children’s lives as stable and “uneventful”, as possible. For all our sakes!

Goodbye to the most expensive month of the year!

Anyone who says that December is the most expensive month of the year doesn’t have children.

This month, we spent:

• $100+ on school supplies for the boys
• $1000 for Sarah’s year of preschool (three mornings per week)
• $250 for Evan’s band fees
• $135 for Alex’s Boys’ Choir fees
• $70 for first term of Highland Dance for Sarah
• $118 for Alex’s Cub Registration
• $30 for the boys’ Religious Education fees
• $60 for indoor sneakers

This does not include the $200 my parents paid for Sarah’s ballet year as a gift, the approximately $50/month we pay for Alex’s music lessons, nor the amounts we pay out for D’Arcy’s teaching.  Next month, we’ll have basketball & curling registrations and will consider ourselves lucky that Olivia won’t be in any paid-for activities until next year.  (Also that she’s long out of diapers and that awful, expensive formula and that our boys don’t play hockey!!)

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not complaining!  I’m grateful that our children have these opportunities to participate in a variety of activities and are discovering what their passions are.  They are making friends and learning new skills that will serve them well in life.  We want them to participate in these things.

It’s just that this has been a very expensive month and regardless of how tired we are at this point, we’re just happy that when September rolls around, we’re still busy with guests each night.