Because that's just the kind of blogger I am

I have a few things to share with you. I think these things might be enlightening to you. I know they will come in handy someday. Maybe soon. And I do this as a public service, because that’s just the kind of blogger I am. (And it’s an easy way to piece together totally unrelated information and make it into a pseudo-cohesive post.)

So without further ado (I know there was plenty of ado above, sorry.) here’s some highly useful information. Just for you.

~ If, in the mall parking lot, your son tells you “look at the bees on that car” by all means, look. Because there might be 50 some bees congregating on the little hatchback on your passenger side and you most certainly do not want to let your children out on that side.

~ If your daughter claims “We played mom and babies at recess.  They always ask me to be the mom at recess. I don’t know why.” What is probably happening is the exact opposite, and you will never be able to prove otherwise.

~ If your daughter gets a 12 inch long crazy curly straw from her teacher do not let her use it in a 4 inch tall cup. Her milk will very likely end up on her lap, on the kitchen floor and running down your back. I don’t know how, but it happens.

~ The above scenario will happen only after an older daughter has attempted the old “drinking while walking” trick in the same stretch of the kitchen floor and failed.  Miserably.

~ If your husband sees a flock of resting seagulls on the mall parking lot and says to your son ”Hey, Garrett, watch this” and proceeds to drive directly at the targets and cause much flapping, squawking and scattering, the boy will learn.  He will be on flocks of resting birds like white on rice.  If the white runs after the rice hollering and waving its arms.

~ If you do not hear from a nearly 17 month old child for five minutes and then hear a faint knocking?  Go check it out immediately.  Before all feminine hygiene products are strewn about the bathroom floor.  And WAY before they have made their way into the toilet.  I barely made that last rescue.

~ Do not ever say “It’s been a busy week but I have nothing on the calendar for next week.”  That’s a sure-fire way to get phone calls and reminders of things you forgot you had to do.

~ Do not allow your sisters to use up the free apples and make scads of sauce without you because you will then be left alone to make your own applesauce.  And most likely you’ll be on your own for next year too, since they made so stinkin’ much sauce.  Sniff, sniff.

~ Do not ask yes and no questions of your teenager who has just returned from volleyball practice.  She will barely be able to answer until she has devoured her meatloaf and potatoes.  Only after food will information be forthcoming.

~ Do not become smug after filling your freezer with many dinners.  Your family is growing and eating and eating and eating and not leaving a single morsel of leftovers.  Those frozen meals will be gone sooner than you think.

~ If your son gets a fireman hat from the library backpack bag that you had to pay a dollar to rent, under NO circumstances let him wear that hat while going to the bathroom.  NO CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER!!  Fireman hats are prone to tipping off when little boys bend their heads forward.