Secret Lovers
Facebook. Twitter. Myspace. Blip. Tagged. And the list goes on and on. There are so many ways to ‘creep’ online these days that most infidels now do it right in the same room with their spouses and/or children. All they need is a PDA, PC and/or laptop. Many people think it’s okay to be ‘secret lovers’ online because it’s in cyberspace, and for the most part, the ‘lovers’ will never speak or meet. Fact is, many of these people DO ‘tweet up’ and have illicit sexual affairs, and it’s a hit or miss as to what they bring home to their husbands/wives.
They give many reasons for how things get started, and often they begin with mild flirtations – they’re your new BEST friend – usually of the opposite sex because they’ve noticed your attractive ‘profile’ picture. They like everything you do. They listen to all the music you do. He or she makes you feel like you are the smartest, most intelligent, wittiest, unusual partner he/she has ever met. You are just TOO beautiful or handsome to resist. You intellectually stimulate the person in ways that no one has before. He or she just wants to look at you all the time – the more pix the better. You have a common interest in everything and so forth.
Of course, everything I’ve said to this point could very well be harmless flirtation…
That is…until the inappropriate innuendo starts. And the flirtation clearly becomes a ‘come-on.’ And the ‘come-ons’ become more and more overt and obvious to everyone around you in cyberspace.
Or perhaps, your lothario takes another tact: the intimate marital or relationship problems start showing up in your Facebook instant messages or your Twitter direct messages. Regardless of who initiates, both know when it’s time to clarify the boundaries of the online relationship.
Yes, the Cheater probably is lonely and in desperate need of attention – in fact, some NEVER get enough attention and often have SEVERAL online lovers on various sites simultaneously; but few are really separated, divorced, or “widowed.” Hate to break it to you gents and ladies but most folks online have real-life marriages and/or serious relationships with people who have a bit more functionality than an Avatar. Maybe they or their partners are very busy or perhaps one or both of them is unkind, but does that give them a pass to drag you into the mess of the life they’ve created and refuse to clean up? Make no mistake: cheaters are very manipulative and they know the buttons to push. YOU have to know yourself and your own boundaries better and not let desperation pull you into something that will cause you much pain to get out of.
While many people think these arrangements are harmless, they are not. People get hurt. Their feelings get hurt. Imagine finding out that the hapless, ‘widowed’ bachelor you’ve been dating online is actually a pretty content, married father of a newborn. His fear of facing REAL life has him online with you all the time while in the meantime, he’s either in an office or lying to his wife that he’s responding to office mail (and yes, many companies now expect employees in certain industries to be available pretty much 24/7 so the wife would be none the wiser).
The only people who are blameless in affairs are the unwitting wife/husband or the children. In fact, nowadays, with technology, really twisted cheaters even post pictures of their children on Twitter and other sites to ‘share’ with strangers around the world. There should be a child protection law against that type of activity, but unfortunately, there isn’t, and parental commonsense and/or sound judgment don’t seem to come into play in some cases. You email pix to your family – directly, or even post on some of the more discreet sites like Facebook where you CAN control who sees what… You have NO idea of the kind of sexual and otherwise unstable predators who are out there downloading and looking at your children’s pictures when you broadcast them to your 600 or 6,000 Twitter ‘friends.’ Many people even use their REAL names on these sites which always amazes me. If things go wrong with their ‘affairs’, you’ve pretty much told your jilted lover(s) how to find you and YOUR family – your family who has no idea what you’re doing and the added trauma and potential danger you add to their lives.
At the end of the day, we all know that affairs NEVER work. Ask a Woman Who Knows, I’m no angel. In fact, I was tempted, disappointed –and PROUD that for two months I steered clear of a former, married lover – even though I stayed at a hotel next to where he worked… and he never knew how close we were [geographically speaking]. When he came into my life, he filled a huge void, even though I had a nice but VERY busy boyfriend; frankly I needed the affair for companionship; and he was ‘wonderful.’ But when things ended, it wasn’t pleasant and it hurt a lot. He left an immeasurable chasm in my heart and sense of mistrust that remains. Worst of all, When affairs go wrong, you’re usually left alone to console yourself. I will always care for that person on some level but somewhere along the way I learned how to LOVE myself even MORE which was by far the greatest gift I received from all that pain. I now know that I’m MUCH too good to allow myself to be the ‘clean up woman’ after somebody else’s mess.
Affairs are exciting for a minute and that’s about it. The pain usually last a lifetime.
So the next time you get that sexy Tweet, Blip, or other online Invitation… ask yourself what are they really asking for?
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