As an attorney who does divorces, it troubles me to see how people manipulate their kids, for their own personal gain. I have gotten so cold and to the point with my clients that I wonder if I’m at attorney, or a therapist. If I have to listen to one more person, male or female, tell me they want to deny visitation to the other parent because their “child” does not like the other parents significant other, I may just call children’s services on them myself.
What ever happened to keeping your kids sheltered, and protected from your grown-up crap. What ever happened to just telling your kids how great the other parent is? If only for the child’s own self-esteem and feeling of self-worth. No one seems to realize that by using their kids to exact revenge on the other parent, because of adultery, abandonment, or any of the long list of reasons for divorce, all they are doing is mentally damaging that child. Children are not equipped to deal with the same level of emotional turmoil as adults. Their life experiences and emotional intelligence has not matured to a place where they are able to process to much distress. So all you’re doing by involving children in grown-up conflicts is setting the stage for them to act out in other areas.
As a criminal defense attorney as well, I often wonder why my defendant’s are getting so young. Adult charges for juveniles is on the rise in every state. Additionally, the economy is tanking and the divorce rate is sky-rocketing. Is anyone seeing to the children? Or, are we all just too self-absorbed into the decreasing nature of our financial portfolio and trying desperately to decrease expenses. But, at the expense of the children? Perhaps as people decide how economically feasible it is to maintain a family, home, cars and college expenses, or to just opt to pay support and move on, we should all think about the children. Their crimes are becoming more violent and their hearts are getting more hardened every year. They know way too much. No, correction, they think they know way too much, because they are being forced to listen to grown-up conversations and help grown-ups deal with their problems. When in all reality, it should be the other way around.
I am 40-ish, and I distinctly remember my parents telling me that a child should stay in a child’s place. My only job was to do homework and get good grades. When I failed at that, I was punished. Life was simple back then; school, sports, boys and what’s for dinner. Unfortunately, many kids have no dinner waiting, their too fat for sports and they are consistently dropping out of school. I wonder why? Parents, or the lack there of, “responsible parents”. Children are raising themselves and making up their own rules, that’s why they eat so much crap, stay-up all night, miss school, have no respect, no clue and do lots of drugs.
Once again, there is nothing to be said, or done about couples breaking up and unable to stay together. But, by all means, try to make your children’s lives as stable and “uneventful”, as possible. For all our sakes!
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