“What if there’s a baby and other issues?” OMB! Reader Chris’ response to Build a Bridge, Get Over Your Ex!
Chris didn’t have to say a lot but for some reason, I felt his pain. Though, I’ve never had this experience (I’m knocking on wood) and I hope to never have to deal with an issue as complex as this—I know a few people who are affected by baby mama/daddy drama everyday.
Whether you are having drama with the mother/father of your child or you’re dating someone whose children’s mother/father is getting on your first and last nerve, you aren’t alone. This kind of drama has been happening since split families first came about.
It’s difficult to offer general advice on this issue because each relationship is unique but I’ll break it down as mentioned above:
You’re Having Drama with Your Baby Mama/Daddy:
Address the Issue: Because there is a child involved, I would first suggest taking the high road. Give your child’s mother/father the benefit of doubt and try to get to the bottom of the issue. Take the time to put yourself in your former mates shoes; what went wrong in your relationship, why did you split, does he/she still have feelings for you? Once you’ve thought and prayed about the situation, try to have a serious sit-down discussion with the other person. Eliminate yelling and the blame game, get to the point and try to fix the problem.
Next Steps: Now of course, some people are extreme cases and are just plain crazy. And for those, I’d suggest that you find a common ground with this person, maybe have a neutral pick-up and drop-off zone for the child, get a protective order and court appointed visitation rights. These measures are sometimes important for your own sanity.
Your Future: The truth is, you should never begin dating someone until you’ve resolved your drama. It’s really not fair to the new person when they have to screen phone calls and park their cars in secret locations to avoid setting your ex off. Until you lay down some ground rules, avoid the confrontations that are sure to take place. Take these measures as soon as possible because you shouldn’t live your life in fear or lonely.
You’re Dating Someone with Baby Mama/Daddy Drama:
Be Aware: Dating someone with this kind of drama can take a toll on a relationship and its very important that you accept the challenges that may come when you take on this situation. You should have a full understanding of what you are getting into and you should establish your position and role in your new lovers life and their child’s life.
Be Supportive: If you’ve decided to continue dating this person and they’ve committed to laying down some ground rules for their ex, it’s a good idea to support them in this process. Stand your ground with the ex but don’t look for a fight. It’s also a good idea to establish a relationship with the child.
Your Future: There’s nothing wrong with marrying someone with children and its actually a noble thing for you to take on BUT if the drama hasn’t ceased before the wedding day, it probably never will.
The bottom line—try your hardest not to procreate with the wrong person but if its too late for that, simply find the best solution for the child’s sake. No child deserves to be in the middle of two fighting parents. Your child’s happiness and sanity is worth the few sacrifices that you may have to make.
What do you think? Do you have any suggestions for people such as Chris?
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