Well interesting week 2. Overall I have to say Hubz is still doing a great job mostly. I think there is a real shortage of meals going on. I brought home a gallon of milk one evening at 8pm and by the next morning it was half gone! I guess pasha (our older son’s nickname) woke up a lot in the night and got milk all night long, and of course didn’t eat a thing the next day. This has been going on all week. But in general the house is spotless, toys away, Henry (younger son’s nick name) asleep. Pasha waiting up for me usually in pjs. So not bad. Did have on evening where I got home and clearly Hubz was in a foul mood, didn’t even say hello to me after a whole day in NY, just got up and went to bed when I walked in which was just lovely. But most nights are fine. But this weekend Hubz admitted he’s been a little depressed, just being alone so much with the kids, and feeling his brain with it’s law degree and journalism grad degree does nothing but play with blocks and think up meals to serve (or maybe not this one). I told him that’s half the challenge of parenting. It’s physically exhausting, but it’s so mentally difficult too for those very reasons. So he’s been struggling with that and I feel for him.
As for me, I had a shit day on Friday. I messed up some paperwork at work mainly because I am brand new and wasn’t sure what I was doing and my very expressive Russian boss let me have it between the eyes, including threatening to take my office away and have me sit at someone else’s desk so she could keep an eye on me! Excuse me? I’m not a 6 year old at the principle’s! I just didn’t get shown how to do one insurance billing paper and I messed it up. Just show it to me, I am very smart, have 2 Master’s degrees, just take 30 seconds and explain it to me. Instead he showed up one morning and blasted me out of the office. Let me say my parents are both from Britain. If an English person is really upset they might give you a very stern look and suggest disapproval. We are very buttoned up. So this flailing around the office just shocked the hell out of me. I tried so hard not to cry (not very professional!), and then told him I was sorry, I understood the papers now but I was not going to sit at the other woman’s desk (much to her relief too!) and went back into my office. I mean he can fire me but there’s only so much insulting I will take. So that was my Friday. I was tied in knots from stress and exhaustion by yesterday.
Here’s the kicker of the weekend: It’s been 2 weeks of working FT, commuting to NY and back, and then having the kids 24/7 all weekend. This Friday I said I HAD to have a break this weekend, just a couple of hours to rest or just have to myself. Hubz said no, he couldn’t watch the kids for a couple of hours (all weekend) because he had to work (or look for work rather). Then I had 2 private acupuncture clients call and want treatments this weekend and guess what…? He said I should take them. Suddenly he can watch the kids for 3+ hours!!!!!! So after I’ve worked FT all week far from home, and still done a lot of household work, I can’t rest for 2 hours. But if I’m going to earn some money then it’s just fine. Just if I’m going to bring in some money. Meanwhile I am bringing in 100% of the money in our household and my husband 0%. I am SO mad. How about if he goes out and earns a few extra dollars on the weekend? So I thought, fuck it, I’m going to get a sitter and pay someone to let me rest if I can’t rely on him. But of course my first paycheck is totally gone on bills so we have $100 to live on for almost 2 weeks until my next check arrives and clears. So I slog away like this 7 days a week and still don’t have an extra $20 to spend on myself or a husband who will let me rest for an hour or two. It’s depressing and infuriating.
Hubz also had a fall yesterday while trying to help his brother move and hurt his arm. So now he’s totally out of commission and felt he couldn’t even let me sleep in until my usual 7am today. I have to do 24/7 child care again because his arm hurts. I know it’s mean, I know his arm does hurt, but it’s just so interesting that so far he has managed to not do one hour of childcare on a weekend since I started working FT. I thought things would finally balance out when I became the sole breadwinner in the house, but still it’s ridiculous and imbalanced, and really one of these days I might just have had enough.
Off to take care of the boys now. All of them. I need a nap.
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