Dealing with the emotional trauma of false empty nest syndrome

Now this is exciting. The  HBITS team of scientists* is pleased to announce what is no doubt the first in a long string of major scientific discoveries. We can now proudly unveil:

FENS

False Empty Nest Syndrome

The world has long known about Empty Nest Syndrome and its devastating effects, known to mostly affect women. This affliction can affect parents and caregivers when children leave the home, often as a result of going to college or getting married.

The variant of this syndrome we have discovered and termed False Empty Nest Syndrome (or FENS). And the effects of FENS can be just as devastating as Empty Nest Syndrome.

Definition

False Empty Nest Syndrome occurs when an expected instance of Empty Nest Syndrome is interrupted.  The syndrome refers to feelings of anger, frustration, irritation, confusion, emptiness, despair and/or rage experienced by caregivers after children come of age, plan to leave their childhood homes, but then decide to stay. Men are more likely than women to be affected, yet this doesn’t mean women are completely immune to the effects of False Empty Nest Syndrome.

Case studies have shown that FENS can be triggered both by an expected period of Empty Nest Syndrome that never occurs and actual periods of Empty Nest Syndrome that unexpectedly end early.

Many men have limited free time these days and therefore feel rage and emptiness when children who should be gone refuse to leave and/or come back home. Children may stay in the home due to dropping out of high school, experimenting with drugs, losing their jobs, refusing to look for employment, or pursuing of life of pure hedonism.

Symptoms

Feelings of rage, often involving fantasies of strangulation or beatings, are normal in False Empty Nest Syndrome situations. It is common that a re-occupied bedroom that was briefly converted into an office may provoke a desire to throw a brick through a television. In some cases removal from all bricks in the home is highly recommended. Other symptoms include the child sleeping in until 5pm daily, going out every evening after 8pm and not returning home until 4am. Empty energy drink cans even though the child is penniless can be another alarming sign. Note that in many cases the cans will be hidden but they can also be found in open areas like driveways and front yards.

Causes

Our scientists feel strongly that False Empty Nest Syndrome is a direct result of children refusing to live somewhere else than their childhood home.

Treatments

When the reappearance of a child induces feelings of anger that cannot be coped with, treatment is definitely needed. Discuss the feelings with  your attorney and local police to find out what criminal charges will apply if you lose control. Obtaining the services of a private detective are extremely useful in determining the true activities and territorial behavior of your child, but may be cost prohibitive. In extreme cases termination of cell phone texting plans may be indicated.

Conclusion

Dealing with False Empty Nest Syndrome can be a major form of stress on relationships and, if left untreated, could result in financial loss and impact years of lost time that should been more private and rewarding.

We will continue our research in this area as necessity of circumstance dictates and report additional findings as warranted in the future.

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