One night, I just laid in bed crying myself to sleep as I had done many times over, but there was something more to it. In the morning, I woke up with a feeling inside. A feeling that I was strong, that I had to leave… no matter what.
You have to realize that being abused is not something that someone can just walk away from and it certainly isn’t something that just starts over night. In the beginning, my husband was a sweet heart. He treated me so good. After we got married and he had that paper in his hands showing him that he had ownership is when things started to go wrong. I then got pregnant for our son. Thinking that he was great with my 2 little girls… I thought things would be ok.
Little names and comments were being made, things that made me think .. but didn’t force me to want to leave. After a bit longer, horrible names and things being said about me being no good were being said.. to which I then started to believe him. Every word, every action had me double thinking my own self. By the time the hitting started, I was a no one in my mind, in my self awareness. I do honestly believe that the main reason that I stayed was because I was abused growing up as a child.. and that is the only life that I knew… abuse.. It was normal for me.
The state of NY stepped in and told me that “I allowed my beatings, therefore, a neglect charge was being place onto me.” Mind you, I not only never ever hit my children but owned my own daycare business for 8 years with a NYS License.
The morning that I left, I put my children in the car and grabbed a small bag of clothes for all of us. I then proceeded to the family court and got an order of protection on my husband. I then took my children and I and went to what we called our “hotel room”. It was a room set up at the domestic violence shelter that had beds and one dresser in it.
After leaving a house that I owned and everything that I owned… school was starting and I wanted my children back into our home. I then went back to family court and got an order removing my husband from my home.
While living back in our home, I started to realize that we were not safe. I was getting phone calls back to back from the abuser. I was noticing that he was breaking into my home and following me all the time around town.
Every time I called the police about this situation, they would tell me .. “everything that he is doing are accidents. he doesn’t mean it.” This was the answer every time I called!
After about 4 months of it, I finally decided to take my children and run for our safety and sound of mind.
After about a months time of finally being free, finally being happy and seeing smiles on my children’s faces, NYS stepped in and said that I violated my neglect charge by moving out of the area in which it was placed in. They removed my children. Placing my son back with his father, the abuser. Placing my oldest daughter with her father and my middle daughter with her father.. in which she never met before. (she was almost 12 years old). Her father has 16 years of abuse under his own belt and has tried to kill his own 2 sons by running them and their mother off the road. But cps will not check into his background due to “him living in another county”.
They didnt care that my abusive husband found us 6 hours away from where we lived before. They only cared that we left the area in which this neglect order was placed. I asked them, if he found us where we were 6 hours away, how safe were we in the same area where he lived? They wouldnt answer me.
Then I found out that my ex husband was dating a CPS worker and she was told either him or her job. She left but the damage was done.
They continued to remove my children. This took place in I believe January 2005. We had a court date after that in which I could not make because I had no car or way down to court. I called the court house several times for an entire week prior, telling them this and the judge refused to care. On the very day of court, I was told that the judge was placing an order of protection on myself to discipline myself so that I would get myself to court from now on. Since then, I have not been able to see my children. The judge actually puts me down in court because my children are from different fathers. It’s not my fault that every time I got pregnant, the daddy’s would leave. It doesnt make me a bad mom. I was threatened by my daughter Stephanie’s father that his family member is on the board with the judge and that I would never see my children ever again, Well its been over 5 years now and I am believing his threat. The Aunt who has my son now as my son kept running away due to wanting to be home keeps going to court with lies and no proof and even though I have physical proof, the judge will not listen to me only her. I miss my children and am having a very hard time finding ways of getting them home. Im afraid to go back to court due to the mistreatment that I receive from the judge.
I also filled out a paper to have the judge removed from my case and have someone else take over, the judge laughed at me and told me that its his choice to step down or not and that he wasnt going anywhere.
With my health issues, missing my children these last 5 years it just doesnt seem fair that my children must suffer like this and have to live with out their mother when all I was doing was running for safety because the order of protection was not helping us. I thought I was doing the right thing and keeping us safe and alive. Now I begin to wonder if maybe I should have stayed with the abuser taking those beatings because atleast I wouldnt have lost my kids and my life with out them.
I have many many laws that were broken. NYS laws that were broken… Amendment rights that have been broken.
I have found that I have a multi million dollar lawsuit against NYS. I have taken these rules and showed them to one of the cps workers who originally took my kids away from me and with in a week, she quit her job. Fear? or guilt? …
I have also found out that when my children turn 18, they too can sue for all the same laws and amendment rights being broken.
I have done everything through family court that they have expected of me.. including doing a domestic violence course of 6 weeks and had a mental evaluation to show that I was sane to take care of my children.. which I found out due to the Hippa law was illegal as well.
But because of the fact that the aunt, who now has my son do to him running away several times… gets a load of money for caring for my son. She has actually cut her hours of work in half…. every time I go to court to get my babies home, she brings up a bunch of lies and even though she has no proof, the judge believes her… and its all do to her not wanting to lose my son’s money.
I have now been diagnosed with a syrinx. Its a tumor that is caused by blunt forced trauma that lies inside of my spinal chord. it is inoperable and is now starting to affect my speech, balance, arms and legs. I have had screws and a plate put in my neck due to an old fracture that was found in which I suffer daily migraines from it. I just want my babies home before this gets worse.
I had an advocate look through my court files and she searched through them several times in which she told me she saw absolutely nothing that shows i should have lost my children. She was really upset at this and wrote the judge a letter on this matter. The judge being the judge passed it through and never cared what she had to say.
All I want is my life back, my children!! I’m tired of the abuser winning. I want justice!!!! I want my children home where they belong! I never harmed my kids ever!! I only loved them as a mom does.
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